Sometime around early 2003, aged thirteen, two friends and I came up with an idea for a Lord of the Rings fic where we would send the characters for makeovers and see what would happen. We came up with a list of the different kinds of makeovers each character would go through, and the fic, subtly titled 'The Fellowship and Friends Have a Makeover' (later shortened to simply 'The Makeover') was based on this list.
Yet there still remained the list of ideas we had, from which I spun-off a Star Wars and Back to the Future version, and since the fic doesn't seem to be going to be continued anywhere in the near future, here are the lists...
- Aragorn attends the 'How to Take Care of Your Hair' seminar for little elves. He discovers what it means to take a 'bath', and learns about a cleansing agent known as 'shampoo'. Aragorn overcomes his hydrophobia, jumps into the river Anduin and scrubs himself. The waters of Anduin turn black, and Aragorn transforms from 'the filthiest thing in this whole bloomin' universe' to 'the filthiest thing on this whole
bloomin' planet'.
- Legolas cuts his hair and gets a punk hairdo. He sells each strand of hair for $1 each to his rabid fangirls. Legolas also gets earrings, nose-rings, tongue-rings and a belly button ring. He puts on sunglasses, tattoos himself and hangs around the place trying to look cool.
- Gandalf amputates his feet to look shorter. Both he and Saruman cut, perm, and dye their hair. They don flowery clothes with brightly coloured star-shaped sunglasses to match. It's called the 'New Wizard' look.
- Arwen and Eowyn both grow their hair really long and dye it white. They put on long, flowing robes of white and get a staff each. It's called the 'Old Wizard' look.
- Gollum goes for English classes. He writes a book, 'Me, Myself and Arwen', which becomes a national bestseller. Aragorn gets mad. Due to the success of his first book, Gollum writes a sequel, 'Us, Usselves and Eowyn'. Aragorn gets even madder.
- Merry and Pippin go into the mushroom selling industry, and are sacked one day later for eating up all the produce.
- Sam goes to the gym to work out. He goes for slim wrap and various other slimming treatments. Altogether, he loses 20 kg.
- All the hobbits drink Grow milk and become the company's new mascots. They grow their hair long and braid it up.
- Sauron goes to the optometrist and discovers he is shortsighted, the reason why he has not been able to see Frodo and Co. clearly lately. He chooses a nice pink contact lens with a picture of a flower on it. Sauron puts on eyeliner, mascara and fake eyelashes. Frodo finds them attractive.
- Helm's Deep becomes a medieval theme park, $10 per entry.
- Merry and Pippin go into the truffle-selling industry and are sacked one day later for eating up all the produce.
- Gollum buys an X-Box and becomes addicted.
- The Ring goes to a jewelry shop, where it gets inlaid with expensive diamonds and given an extra polish to make it shine. Frodo begins to think twice about destroying it, and was noticed more than once trying to remove the diamonds. On one occasion the Ring accidentally slipped onto his finger, and he was seen gazing lovingly up at Sauron's fake eyelashes.
- The Black Riders go for plastic surgery, send their robes for washing and their horses for grooming. Meanwhile, they don T-shirts and jeans and join Legolas in hanging around the place looking cool
- Gimli shaves off both his hair and beard, drinks Grow milk, puts on long flowing robes and becomes a monk.
- Rivendell undergoes redevelopment. Skyscrapers spring up everywhere, including the Two Towers.
- Saruman becomes a Star Wars fan. His favourite character is Count Dooku from Episode 2.
- To add onto his 'New Wizard' look, Gandalf buys a motorcycle to go for spins with his girlfriends / boyfriends.
- The orcs go for facelifts and skin treatment. They also pay a visit to the dentist, and cause the latter to faint. "Maybe I shouldn't have eaten Oreos first," were the words of the orc who made the dentist black out.
- Luke Skywalker shaves bald. He, Darth Vader and Leia attend a workshop on family bonding, after which Darth Vader takes them all to Disneyland. "It's bonding time!" he says cheerfully, as he and his twin children come together for a group hug.
- Chewie shaves bald like Luke, and then joins Gimli in becoming a monk.
- C-3PO goes for a course by the acclaimed Bill and Ted on how humans speak and behave. Every other sentence of his from then on contains at least one 'dude,' 'bogus,' 'excellent', 'bodacious', 'triumphant' or 'party on, dudes!'
- Han Solo was going to amputate his feet to look shorter, but decided that he didn't want to copy Gandalf. So, he amputates his head instead.
- Mace Windu gets a blue wig, and goes off to join the cool gang now made up of Legolas, the Black Riders, Gandalf and Saruman.
- Leia cuts her hair and uses the strands to make a moustache and beard. Tenel Ka and Jaina Solo do the same. They call themselves 'The Three Musketeers' - All for one, one for all.
- The Jedi go for dancing lessons, and perform the Macarena on George Walton Lucas Jr's birthday.
- Anakin Skywalker gives his podracer a repainting job. Now, it's a bright shocking pink with technicoloured pictures of Barney the dinosaur and Barbie dolls all over.
- Emperor Palpatine goes for a facelift and puts on hair tonic, causing his hair to grow back and make him look actually human. He advises Gollum to do the same.
- Qui-Gon Jinn cuts his hair and sells each strand at $1 to Legolas' rabid fangirls. They can't tell the difference, anyway.
- R2-D2 takes English classes from Gollum. Now he can actually talk! "Gollum good English teacher," Artoo was reported saying, speaking for the first time in his life.
- Han Solo with his amputated head gets frozen in carbonite and becomes a tourist attraction. Thousands flock to see him, $10 per visit.
- Yoda drinks Grow milk, bleaches his skin like Michael Jackson, chops off his ears, gets a wig, puts on sunglasses, gets a guitar, starts a one-man band called 'The Short Dead Dude' and puts on live performances at the Jedi Academy. He becomes known galaxy-wide as the 'Elvis Presley of Star Wars'.
- Marty McFly signs up to act as Darth Vader in his upcoming school play. In memory of the pink hoverboard, he paints his own personal skateboard pink. Mr. Strickland falls in love with it and contemplates confiscation.
- Doc cuts his hair, dyes it neon green with purple strips, puts on cool shades and goes to hang out with Legolas and the rest of the cool gang.
- Biff Tannen goes for ballet classes. Enough said.
- The DeLorean goes for a cheap repainting job kindly offered by two teenagers, and comes back with the words 'Wyld Stallyns Rule!' painted all over it. Marty sends it for a test drive to the year 1943, and the time machine comes back riddled with bullet holes and splattered with blood. In short, the paint job is history.
- Mr. Fusion meets a cool looking coffee grinder named Ms. Fusion. They get married and have lots of little coffee grinders.
- Jules and Verne Brown become addicted to X-Box. They push Gollum away and steal his. "They's have taken my Precioussss..." the latter was heard to say.
- After the ballet classes, Biff also perms his hair and dyes it blue. He encourages his friends to do the same, before leaving to join the ever growing 'cool' gang. "Dude, it's getting a little crowded in here," Legolas was reported as saying.
- The Hill Valley management contemplates changing the town's name after receiving repeated complaints from Geography teachers that it's "either a hill or a valley, it can't be both."
- A miscellaneous member of The Pinheads follows the example of his favourite Star Wars character, Han Solo, and amputates his head.
- Jennifer gets a punk hairdo of the Legolas kind, long dangly earrings, nose rings, tongue rings and a bellybutton ring. She joins the cool gang. "Hey, baby, you look good," a Black Rider comments, winking at her. Marty bashes him for flirting with his girlfriend. Another Black Rider bashes Marty in return. "Pick on someone your own size!" an injured Marty was heard to yell.
- Clara Clayton becomes Gollum's English teacher, and was the one behind the success of his two books. "Clara good English teacher," says Gollum. "She writes everythings for us, Preciousss..."
- Goldie Wilson rebonds his hair, highlights it, steals a pair of shades from The Matrix and... yeah, you guessed it - joins the cool gang.
- Hilldale also receives complaints from Geography teachers because "a dale is a valley, and it's either a hill or a valley, it can't be both, you're just confusing the students."
- Einstein the dog becomes a secret agent and runs away to join the worldwide battle between cats and dogs. His code name: Total Annihilation.
- Biff goes for a Manure Appreciation Class, where he learns about the many different benefits of manure and makes friends with a load of manure named Clarence.
- Marty writes a story entitled 'Back to the Future' which wins first prize in a school competition. Universal Studios sues him for plagiarism and takes away the prize, a bottle of Grow milk. A studio worker drinks it and grows so tall that he smashes right through the ceiling. "Wow, what a hole," Universal employees were heard commenting.