The Barney & Friends Angst Fic

Written by Anakin McFly

Ah, the pain of unrequited love! But they wouldn't understand, of course. They were too young, too childish. Barney sighed in despair, the loneliness he felt intensifying with each painful second.

Many a hint he had given them of his true feelings. Wasn't there his special song, sung without fail whenever they left? "I love you, you love me..." But with a great big hug and a lingering kiss from him to them, they always left, filling the air with their laughter as they departed from him. Unseen to them, Barney would shrink down in size, reduced to a mere soft toy.

He lived off them. Lived off the hope that one day, one of them would understand, one of them would decipher the truth and take him home to be forever part of their family. A lifelong partner.

"We're a happy family..."

But no one would ever be able to love a big purple dinosaur. It was all fake, he could tell. Someone paid them to sing and laugh and act all innocent and ignorant and be his friend, but once they left, Barney knew they sniggered behind his back.

Who did they think they were, anyway? Barney wondered, a single tear sliding down his purple face. What gave them the right to ignore him? They had wronged him so much, but oh, how he loved them still!

He just wanted them. All of them, or even just one of them. Anyone. Was that too much to ask? Of course it was, because that wasn't what he was made for. He, Barney the Dinosaur, existed only to sing stupid, juvenile songs, to say things that would insult the intelligence of any normally developing child, to dance and prance about like some idiot on ecstasy and then gain nothing from it all.

But he would so willingly do it all, and so much more, if only one of them were to return the love he so willingly gave away.

Oh, he'd show them! Next morning, they'd all come as usual, but find him gone. Dead. That's what they'd get for not appreciating him enough. Not one of them.

In the schoolyard, a purple dinosaur soft toy rose magically above the ground and flew over to some really sharp straight sticks sticking (ooh, alliteration!) out of the ground. What the sticks were doing there, no one knew. It was just another one of the many mysteries of Life, the Universe and Everything, the answer to all of which is forty-two.

Barney flew over them and, with a war cry that echoed around the empty schoolyard, impaled himself on a chosen sharp straight stick. Stuffing burst out his back. But he didn't die.

The magic had left him, though, as the soft toy lay speared through on the ground.

Barney the Dinosaur cursed under his breath. He couldn't even kill himself when he wanted to.

His life sucked.

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