Dude, Where's My Sunglasses?
Written by Anakin McFly
Chapter One
Wake up, Neo
The Matrix has you
Follow the white rabbit
Knock knock, Neo
Neo: White rabbit? You mean I get a free pet? EXCELLENT!
(A knock is heard and Neo goes to answer the door. He opens it to find a white rabbit staring up at him.)
Neo: Who are you, dude?
Rabbit: I'm the white rabbit, dude!
Neo: I thought White Rabbit was a sweet, dude!
Rabbit: No way!
Neo: Yes way!
Rabbit: Bogus.
Neo: *thinks* Oh, you mean THAT white rabbit! Yeah! I remember, dude!
Rabbit: EXCELLENT!
Neo: Well, so what am I supposed to do, dude?
Rabbit: Follow me, dude!
Neo: Sure thing, dude!
(They walk out of the room.)
Neo: Oh, and can I call you Fluffy?
Rabbit: Yeah!
(They reach Morpheus.)
Morpheus: Hiya dudes! How's it goin'?
Neo: Who are you, dude?
Morpheus: Huh?
Neo: What is your name?
Morpheus: 'What' is not my name!
Neo: What?
Morpheus: It's not my name!
Neo: What is not your name?
Morpheus: Yes!
Neo: Then what is your name?
Morpheus: I told you, 'what' is not my name! My name is Morpheus, dude! And this is my most excellent friend, Furball! *points at the rabbit*
Neo: Fluffy?
Morpheus: His name is Furball, dude!
Neo: Oh. Okay.
Morpheus: Do you want to know what the Matrix is, dude?
Neo: No. So what is it, dude?
Morpheus: Dude, no one can tell you what the Matrix is. You have to see it for yourself. So let's go, dude!
Neo: EXCELLENT!
(They walk off into another room. Morpheus takes out the Matrix DVD, puts it into the DVD player and they all sit down to watch.)
Neo: Hey dude, that guy looks just like me!
Rabbit: Yeah! Maybe he is!
Neo: Nah, can't be. I don't remember being that smart, dude!
Rabbit: Good point.
Neo: Yeah.
(A few moments pass.)
Neo: Hey Morpheus dude, do you have any popcorn?
Morpheus: Yeah!
(Morpheus goes off to get the popcorn. He comes back, and they all eat while watching the movie. Furball chokes on popcorn. He dies. Neo chokes on popcorn. He dies too.)
Morpheus: NOOOOOO! You can't be dead, dude! You can't be... because... *thinks* ...I love you.
Neo: *comes suddenly back to life* WHAT? Dude, that is like most totally sick! I'm outta here, dude!
(Neo runs off. He trips over Furball and bashes into a wall. Something inside him gets triggered and he farts non-stop for three hours straight.)
Morpheus: Dude, that is totally pathetic! Watch ME! *farts non-stop for five hours straight*
(Meanwhile, outside...)
Agent Smith: Are you sure this is the place?
Random Agent: Yeah, dude!
Agent Smith: Well, it better be, for your sake.
(Agent Smith kicks open the door, and the stench reaches them. All the agents experience Death By Gas, toppling over one another like dominoes as they fall down.)
Agent Smith: Dude, that is totally pathetic. Watch what I can do! *farts non-stop for ten hours straight* MUAHAHAHAHA! *faints*
Chapter Two
Agent Smith: Mr. Anderson, welcome back.
Neo: Hiya dudes!
Agent Smith: We... missed you.
Neo: Yeah, me too. Bogus.
Agent Smith: Do you like what I've done to the place?
Neo: Yeah! It's like Attack of the Clones, dude!
Agent Smith: No, Mr. Anderson, it's not.
Neo: Oh.
Agent Smith: You've forgotten your lines again, haven't you, Mr. Anderson?
Neo: Um...
Agent Smith: So why, why, may I ask, are you getting paid more than me? Why, Mr. Anderson, WHY?
Neo: I don't know, dude.
Agent Smith: You are wasting our time, Mr. Anderson.
Neo: Oh. Can I go then?
Agent Smith: No, Mr. Anderson, you cannot escape. Resistance is futile, Mr. Anderson.
Neo: Bogus.
Agent Smith: Yes, Mr. Anderson. You have reached the point of no return and there is no turning back. Tonight, either you die or I die. Most probably it will be you that dies, Mr. Anderson, because that's how things are.
Neo: Bogus.
Agent Smith: Everything that has a beginning has an end, Mr. Anderson.
Neo: How about The Neverending Story, dude?
Agent Smith: It ended, Mr. Anderson.
Neo: No way!
Agent Smith: Yes way.
Neo: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
(Meanwhile a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...)
Luke Skywalker: HEY! That's MY line!
(Back to the Matrix)
Agent Smith: You see, Mr. Anderson, there is nothing left in this world for you to fight for. So why don't you just give up?
Neo: I thought you said I couldn't leave, dude.
Agent Smith: Oh. *blinks* Right. Uh...
Neo: GOTCHA, dude!
Agent Smith: Keep quiet, Mr. Anderson. I'm trying to think.
To Be Continued...
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