The Story of J.J. Abrams and Lens Flare

Written by Anakin McFly

"Get out of my face," said Kirk, and so Lens Flare went off to a corner to be emo and cry.

J.J. Abrams wandered over and patted him on the shoulder. "S'alright," he said reassuringly. "I still love you."

"But they don't like me," Lens Flare said between sobs.

"People don't like shiny things," J.J. Abrams explained. "It reminds them of sparkly vampires."

And though he didn't want to, J.J. Abrams had to look away, because Lens Flare was too bright and was not comfortable to look at. "Go reflect off Spock's pointy ears," he suggested.

"His ears aren't reflective," Lens Flare said sadly.

At that, J.J. Abrams' heart broke with compassion. "No," he said. "Don't say that. You're Lens Flare. You can reflect off anything you want. Anything," he whispered into his ear. "And don't you ever forget that."

And then J.J. Abrams really had to look away, because Lens Flare was too bright and was making his eyes hurt. He shed a tear. Oh, if only he could look on him without pain! But alas, this world was cruel.

"I'll be going now," J.J. Abrams said. "Never think there's anything you can't do. Never think there's anywhere you can't be. Be fruitful and multiply, my dear Lens Flare. Show the world what stuff you're made of."

With that, J.J. Abrams left. Lens Flare choked back his tears and left his corner. "Hi," he said tentatively to Kirk. Kirk screamed at the bright glare and lost his grip on the ledge.

"Sorry," Lens Flare said sadly as he watched Kirk fall to his death.

Lens Flare trudged off to search for Spock so he could reflect off his pointy ears.

He found him. But his ears weren't pointy. "Spock?" he asked.

Sylar smiled. "Wrong person," he said, and sliced Lens Flare's head open.

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NEXT DAY

"You're shiny," Peter Petrelli said, looking confused.

"Shut up," said Sylar, lensflaring at things.

"Are you a sparkly vampire?" Peter Petrelli asked, looking more confused.

"It's LENS FLARE!" yelled Sylar, and destroyed the planet.

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