Klaatu and the Chicken Nuggets
Written by Anakin McFly
INT – MCDONALD'S – NIGHT Klaatu stares down at his box of chicken nuggets, silently pointing at one nugget after another as he mentally counts them. HELEN Is everything okay? KLAATU There are nineteen chicken nuggets here. I am certain that I ordered twenty. HELEN ...Right. KLAATU Where do I submit my complaint? HELEN Leave it, Klaatu. They're just nuggets. Klaatu fixes Helen with his his ALIEN STARE OF DOOM. KLAATU To you they may just be nuggets. But to me they suggest a greater underlying problem is at hand. If the human race cannot even take care of something as simple as getting an order of nuggets right, how can they be expected to take care of the Earth? HELEN Sometimes we make mistakes, but- KLAATU I hope you can appreciate the severity of this situation. There are nineteen chicken nuggets here. This means that I am short of one, and will not be fully able to satiate my hunger. Eating this meal will leave me feeling incomplete and not at ease, for I have prepared my body for the digestion of twenty chicken nuggets, not nineteen. Klaatu stands up holding the box of chicken nuggets, and strides over to the McDonald's counter. MCDONALD'S STAFF Please get in queue, sir. KLAATU You gave me nineteen chicken nuggets. I ordered twenty. MCDONALD'S STAFF Sir, you probably miscounted. Now get- KLAATU I do not miscount. Especially not when it comes to matters of my nutrition, such as this. MCDONALD'S STAFF Look, pal, you're holding up the queue, so if you don't get your ass back there right now- KLAATU I suspect that your insolence is your way of covering up your evident guilt over not giving me the requested number of chicken nuggets. I am afraid that I have no chance but to use force. Please forgive me. Klaatu FORCE-CHOKES the McDonald's Staff. The staff member makes a final gargle and dies. CUSTOMERS: *stare* Klaatu looks at them with his ALIEN STARE OF DOOM. They throw him chicken nuggets and run like hell out of there. Klaatu looks at the nuggets on the floor. He counts them, and straightens up. KLAATU There are fifty-three chicken nuggets here. I ordered twenty.
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