Death of the stupid, oversized, colourful aliens
Written by Anakin McFly, G. Leong and Y.Y.D.
The sun spread its warmth on Teletubbyland, its golden smile shining upon everything. The grass all burnt as a result of the extreme heat. The sun giggled. It liked seeing the rabbits stretch out luxuriantly on the unnatural-looking burnt grass, and the pinwheel look-alikes of flowers open their paper petals. It shined even more brightly on the rabbits. The rabbits became roasted, and the sun ate them. Don’t ask us how. The sun just ate them.
This was the beginning of a typical day in Teletubbyland. Would this be a typical day? We have yet to find out...
"One day in Teletubbyland..."
A rabbit, the sole remaining one in Teletubbyland, grouched when he heard that irritating voice that seemingly came from nowhere. At least he could scratch those occasional grey pipes that spouted up from the ground, but that stupid voice... He couldn’t see, only hear it, so there was no choice but to let it drone on and on and on, sounding remarkably like a certain teacher of the authors'.
He stared at the mound in the middle of Teletubbyland. Any moment now, four idiotic, fat, oversized aliens would jump out and do a song-and-dance item that would never make it to MTV. Or any decent stage that doesn’t cater to children, for that matter. The routine was the same everyday. The rabbit looked at his watch. Don’t ask us why he had a watch. He just did.
Five, four, three, two one...
The four idiotic, fat, oversized aliens jumped out and did a song-and-dance item that would never make it to MTV.
"Tinky winky..." The purple, gay-looking alien jumped up. (HELLO? He carries a PURSE!)
"Dipsy..." The green alien with the spastic looking polka-dotted hat jumped up too and grinned like an idiot.
"La-la..." The yellow creature bounced up and fell down.
"Po..." The red guy appeared, tripped over La-la and fell back into the hole from where he had appeared.
"Oh-oh!" he was heard saying, as he tried to climb back up.
"Teletubbies, teletubbies, say, he-llo!"
"Eh-oh!" the four things said, in a bad imitation of the word ‘hello’. They jumped and bounced randomly up and down, smiling at nothing in particular, overall looking like a bunch of retarded escapees from a mental hospital. The sun beamed even more, giving the Teletubbies a toothless grin. Po’s scooter melted.
"Oh-oh!" he said, not making any attempts to cover up his amazingly small vocabulary. The other Teletubbies just laughed and continued jumping around. Dipsy stepped into the melted remains of Po’s scooter. Just then, the sun decided it was getting too hot. It cooled down, and Dipsy’s foot became stuck in the scooter as it hardened again.
"Oh-oh!" said Po, looking at his scooter.
"Oh-oh!" said the rest of the Teletubbies.
The rabbit groaned. The sun got angry. No one should groan at the great Teletubbies! It roasted the rabbit.
"Wabbit!" said La-la. The four of them went over to it and ate the rabbit. Dipsy died of food poisoning.
"Oh-oh!" said Po. Then, he too died of food poisoning.
Tinky Winky and La-la continued eating the rabbit, their puny minds unable to grasp the simple fact that eating rabbit was deathly to Teletubbies.
They died of food poisoning as well.
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