The Twisted Diary Entries of Jaina Solo

Written by Anakin McFly

Prologue

One day, while strolling in the forests of Yavin 4, a tree fell on Jaina. But, being both a Jedi and a main character in the YJK series, she survived. However, her IQ level had been lowered by quite a lot, and it was as much as she could do to find her way back to the Jedi Academy where she took out her diary and began recording her thoughts and stuff...

Chapter One: Hi everyone!

Dear Diary,

My name is Jaina Solo, and I have a twin brother called Jacen. Actually, I don't really know how to pronounce his name so I just say it any way I want to. I also have a friend, Tenel Ka. She only has one hand because Jacen chopped the other off with his lightsaber. Tenel Ka speaks funny, and she thinks everything is a fact. Yoda speaks funny too. He's a Jedi Master. Yesterday, I called him a 'short dead dude' and Uncle Luke scolded me. He said that I should not call Jedi Masters short dead dudes even if they are.

Lowbacca's my friend too. He's a Wookie. That means he's very hairy and cannot talk. He has a translator droid, Em Teedee, but he talks too much and doesn't really help. That day I tried to take him apart but the screws wouldn't come off.

I like making stuff, taking things apart and fixing them. Sometimes not all the things I take apart can be put back together. Like the time I tried to repair the Millennium Falcon's hyperdrive. I took it apart into millions of pieces and then forgot how to put it back. I don't think daddy will notice, though. The hyperdrive is always spoilt anyway.

I've also made many cages for Jacen's animals. He likes animals, because he's one too. The cages were nice because I built them. He forced me to. He said that if I didn't he would chop off my hand with his lightsaber, like he did to Tenel Ka. So I made the cages.

Jacen has this crystal snake. It's really hard to see. I made a cage for it too. Just now I thought I should paint the snake so that it would be easier to see. So I stuck a paintbrush in. The snake bit it, but I didn't notice so when I took out the brush the snake fell out too. I was too scared to touch it, so I chopped it up into tiny pieces with my lightsaber. It was really fun. The snake died, and there was also a big hole in the floor where my lightsaber had hit.

Suddenly, Uncle Luke came in. I think he heard my war cries when I was killing the snake. Anyway, he fell right through the hole. I hope he's okay. Gotta go now. I think Jacen's coming and I don't want him to know I murdered his snake.

– Jaina

Chapter Two: All I wanted was a fur coat

Dear Diary...

Hello! Uncle Luke broke his leg when he fell down the hole, so he's been in the bacta tank all day. The bacta is red in colour. I think it's because of all the blood. Jacen thinks that it's lucky he didn't lose his whole leg, because if he did he'd probably have to get a prosthetic one. Uncle Luke already has a prosthetic hand. I wondered if he'd get a prosthetic head if he loses his own. I asked Jacen that but he just looked at me strangely.

I was bored so I went back to my room and made a tiny thermal detonator just for fun. I fed it to one of Jacen's pet snakes. The snake exploded. That's what happens when you're greedy. I buried the snake bits outside, and then I went to see what Lowie was doing.

He was sleeping in his room. I took my lightsaber and shaved off some of his fur to try and make a fur coat. I think I cut a bit too much off, though, because he looked kinda bald on one side after a while. So I shaved some off the other side too to make it even. Now he looked bald all over. It was really funny. Lowie didn't notice a thing. He's a very sound sleeper. I didn't have enough for a fur coat yet, but he moved a little and I ran off.

A while later I heard Lowie roaring away really loudly. Wookies can roar very loud. He made a small part of the Jedi Academy cave in, and all of Jacen's pets went deaf. I sensed it through the Force. I wonder if he could, too.

Daddy said that he'd be coming tomorrow. Maybe the Millennium Falcon's hyperdrive has already been fixed. Bye for now.

- Jaina

Chapter Three: Here comes the Millennium Falcon

Dear Diary,

Hi again! Daddy came today to visit us. The Millennium Falcon's hyperdrive had been fixed, so I went on board to see how Chewie did it. There were lots of wires all over the place. I saw one which was purple in colour like my lightsaber. It looked really nice so I chopped it off and kept it. Then I found more purple wires so I took all of them too.

Uncle Luke was still in the bacta tank. He was sleeping. I took my paintbrush and painted smiley faces all over the outside of the tank. I also painted a small picture of Yoda and labeled it 'the short dead dude'. Then I remembered that Uncle Luke said that I should not call him that. So I painted a picture of Darth Vader on top of Yoda. He's my grandfather. He's not exactly short, but he's dead too, like Yoda. A lot of Jedi are dead. It's a dangerous job.

Jacen spent the whole of last night looking for his two snakes, because I didn't dare to tell him that I killed them. He thought that they might have fallen behind the cage, so he went there to look. He fell down the same hole Uncle Luke fell down. So now he's in a bacta tank too. The medical droid said that he hit his head. So maybe he'd have to get a prosthetic head.

Daddy and Chewie have been sleeping the whole day. Just now, I was feeling bored so I went to look at them. I used my lightsaber to shave off some of Chewie's fur. I didn't have enough to make a coat yet, see. I got enough this time. Chewie is hairier than Lowie. He still looked bald when I finished, though. Except for his head, because I was scared that he might wake up. So his head was brownish in colour, because of the fur, and the rest of his body was kinda pinkish. It was really funny. I wondered what Daddy would think when he woke up.

I went back to my room to make the fur coat. Tenel Ka helped me. She wanted to know where I got the fur from, but I wouldn't tell her. Anyway, the coat looked really nice. I think I'll give it to Daddy for his birthday.

Chewie's started roaring very loudly, and another part of the Jedi Academy just caved in. This place is really old. Uncle Luke should start some renovation work. I don't know why Chewie's so angry. The fur'll grow back. At least he isn't so hairy anymore. I think Daddy would like that.

Bye.

- Jaina

Chapter Four: I blew up the Jedi Academy

Dear Diary...

Jacen and Uncle Luke just came out of the bacta tanks. I went to visit them this morning. There were lots of funny looking buttons next to the tank. There was a sign next to them that said, 'Don't touch'. I can't read that well so I pushed one of the pretty purple coloured ones.

Jacen started making weird movements in the tank. He was jerking up and down and pointing at his face. It looked a bit like the Macarena. It was interesting, so I watched him for a while. Jacen started moving even faster, and the bacta started splashing out. He made choking noises too. I was scared so I pushed the button again and he stopped moving.

Anyway, he's okay now.

Today was a very interesting day. Uncle Luke announced that we should all get out of the Jedi Academy for a while. It was something about a new Wookiee disease which causes them to go bald. All the Wookiees in the school panicked and ran out. I didn't know what Uncle Luke was talking about and I wasn't a Wookiee so I stayed inside and decided to try out my new experiment.

I placed thermal detonators all over the Jedi Academy! It was so fun. I wired them up, then went out and pressed the detonator button. The whole building blew up! It was so funny!

People started screaming. I don't know what they were so scared off.

Uncle Luke saw me and asked me what happened. I said that I didn't know. He looked kinda scared and angry. Daddy's mouth was hanging open as he stared at the rubble. I thought the explosion was cool!

Suddenly, I saw Tenel Ka limping out of the building remains. Her other arm had been blown off too! So now she has no hands at all. She looked funny. They made a temporary sick bay and put her in a bacta tank. I looked for the buttons next to it and pushed the pretty purple one again. Tenel Ka started doing that weird dance that Jacen did. I watched for a while then pressed the button again, and she stopped.

I think Uncle Luke is crying. I sensed it through the Force. I wonder why. I mean, we can always rebuild the Jedi Academy. Maybe I'll give him the Wookiee fur coat. It might cheer him up.

- Jaina

Chapter Five: Jacen hit his head not me

Hi! Tenel Ka's better now. She still doesn't want to get a prosthetic hand, so now she's been practicing how to lightsaber duel with her feet. I told her it was bad for the lightsaber because it made it stink, but she wouldn't listen to me. She kept falling down. Once she fell down and her lightsaber sliced off her hair. So now she's bald. It looks really funny. I took her hair and added it to my fur coat. It's coming along nicely, and I think Daddy would like it. It can remind him of Chewie whenever he's lonely.

Jacen has been giving me very strange looks. Yesterday he asked me if I hit my head or something. I thought he was the one who hit his head, not me. It might have affected his brain.

Today I went to play in the ruins of the Jedi Academy. There were all sorts of cool stuff there! You know, like stones and moss and wood and old Coke cans. Uncle Luke said that he wanted to rebuild the Academy. I told him that I was the one who blew it up. He looked at me strangely, like everyone else has been doing. Jacen told him that he thought I hit my head. Maybe I did. I can't remember. But I know he definitely did. The medical droid said so.

I took apart my lightsaber just now. There was a pretty purple crystal thing inside. Everything is purple! I like purple. It's a gay colour. Happy colours are nice. I like them.

Bacta tanks are fun! I told Jacen that I wanted to be a medical droid when I grew up. He ran away from me. I wonder why.

Oh well. I better go now. Tenel Ka's put her lightsaber into her mouth now. She shouldn't have done that. I mean, her feet stink and she shouldn't put things into her mouth after they've been touching her feet. So now her mouth will stink too.

Bye!

- Jaina

To Be Continued...

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