Orion Pictures (US), 1991
Promotion Guide - Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey
The following is a promotional guide sent out by Orion Pictures to owners of movie theaters with ideas for promotional events to help publicize Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey.
They’re back. Totally back. Bodaciously back.
Those two triumphant dudes from San Dimas who soared through the circuits of time to bag the great personages of history -- and break box office barriers -- have a heinous new challenge on their hands.
Somewhere in the nefarious future, a pair of robots have been created who resemble Bill and Ted in every way but one. They’re evil. Twisted. Warped. Homicidal. In short, they’re not very nice.
Their mission is to travel by telephone booth to this, the 20th Century, and annihilate our heroes. That’s the beginning of a wild comic odyssey that sends the real Bill & Ted to hell, heaven and beyond in a desperate attempt to regain their lives, save the princess babes, protect future generations from the forces of evil and, of course, win the Battle of the Bands.
Along the way, they encounter such formidable figures as the Grim Reaper, Lucifer, Martian tourists, Albert Einstein, the Easter Bunny and 88-year-old Granny S. Preston, who’s a puckering fool.
While our heroes are off on this harrowing adventure, their double-crossing doubles are back in San Dimas, ogling the pristine princess babes and otherwise besmirching the duo’s reputation.
Can anything be done about it? YES. You can promote the "Brimstone Heights" out of BILL & TED’S BOGUS JOURNEY which again stars Keanu Reeves and Alex Winter in the title roles; George Carlin as the rocker of the ages, the resplendent Rufus.
All it takes is to be excellent to your audience and make the most of promotional appendages like the phrasebook that follows . . .
BILL & TED’S MOST EXCELLENT PHRASEBOOK
A non-heinous guide to a whole new language
In their first adventure, Bill & Ted created a whole new language . . . loosely based on 20th Century English.
Now, in their second melee, their lingo, like the cosmos, keeps expanding.
That’s the reason for this BILL&TEDSPEAK-INTO-ENGLISH AND VICE-VERSA VOCABULARY. It will help you understand what the non-non-anti-heroes are saying without subtitles of which there aren’t any. And since scores of teenagers will appropriate the pair’s patois when the movie opens in cinematoriums world-wide on Friday, July 19th, you’ll be able to converse with them in their native tongue.
According to Ed Solomon, the co-author of both Bill and Ted adventures -- "excellent" and "bogus" -- the characters don’t speak "surfer talk," "valley talk" or any other teenage idiom. (They’re from San Dimas, California, which is just to the right of San Bernardino, a hundred miles from the ocean and nearly as far from any valley or Galleria.)
Their dialogue is unique unto themselves.
But feel free to pass it on to deejays and TV personalities . . . entertainment editors and humor columnists . . . shopping/entertainment guides . . . or the public at large by printing up BILL&TEDSPEAK heralds and flyers.
Be sure, though, to keep an extra copy handy for your next trip through the time-space continuum.
(Please note that Alex and Keanu went on record in television interviews in 1991 saying many of the translations were the product of a publicist’s mind and have little in common with true translations of Bill & Ted speak. - billandted.org)
|Bill & Ted Speak||English Translation|
|Most excellent||Very Good|
|Bag it||Grab it|
|How’s it hanging?||Hello|
|Party On||Keep it up|
|The Short Dead Dude||Napoleon|
|The Salad Dressing Dude||Caesar|
|The Frood dude||Freud|
|The Pool Game||Marco Polo|
|Full-on robot chubby||Large metal erection|
|Princess babes||Medieval girl friends|
|Be excellent to each other||Love thy neighbor|
|No way||Forget it|
|Yes way||Of course|
|Station||Greetings ... salutations ... yes of course ... where do I sign?... way to go... hallelujah...right on... (and of course) ... excellent!|
|Most atypical||Incredible, amazing|
|Metal heads||Rockin’ Musicians|
|The floppy eared, egg dropping hippity-hopping behemoth||The Easter Bunny|
|The Ugly Red Source of All Evil||The Devil|
|Your Royal Deathness||The Grim Reaper|
|The Fugue Dude||J.S. Bach|
|Mr. The Kid||Billy the Kid|
|Beelzebub||The Dude Downstairs|
|God’s Finest Planet||Uranus|
|The Repository of All Earthly Building Material||Builders Emporium|
|Light Heavyweight||Thomas A. Edison|
|Joan of Arc||Noah’s wife|
|The Dude on the Penny||Lincoln|
|The Dude on the Dollar||Washington|
|The Straw Dude||The Tin Dude’s pal|
|Dudes||Non-babe personages of the human species|
BILL & TED’S CAPS, SHIRTS & SHADES
To celebrate the most bogus journey in mankind’s history, Orion Pictures has created a plethora of prodigious premiums. And thanks to the popularity of our partying protagonists, these caps, tee-shirts and sunglasses are bound to disappear faster that two dudes in a phone booth.
As Cleopatra would put it (and she frequently did) you can bet your asp on that.
The cap bears the logo of the living legends.
The tee-shirt shows the team desperately attempting to escape the wearer’s chest.
The title treatment "shades" will leave recipients glassy-eyed.
To order these items as contest prizes, incentives or giveaways, contact your Orion field representative . . . and tell him (or her) that Rufus sent you.
THE SUPERSTAR OF AIR GUITAR
If you don’t play guitar – and can’t afford one, anyway – you can always be a star of "air guitar." It’s easy. Just strum away on a non-existent instrument while letting out a few high falsetto yelps.
To complete the effect, slip a disc in the CD player and make like you’re rockin’ with the real thing.
Thanks to Bill & Ted , it’s becoming such a popular pastime that the Premiere Radio Network is conducting the first annual BILL & TED’S EXCELLENT AIR GUITAR CONTEST in 25 top markets. Participating deejays will invite listeners to phone in and say why they deserve to be named the station’s "Superstar of Air Guitar."
The most convincing calls (with or without musical stings and howls) will qualify some 25 competitors to take part in an air guitar contest, which the deejays will host at a special screening for the station’s listeners. There, winners will be chosen by audience acclaim or by a panel of expert judges (like local rock stars, on-air personalities, etc.). Either way, the triumphant air guitarists will win trophies, prizes (like real guitars) and the chance to display their synced-up styling through TV guest shots, personal appearances and equally electrifying gigs.
To expand the promotion, some stations are holding semi-finals in malls, clubs and various entertainment venues, while others are staging two listener screenings – one at which the winners are chosen, the second at which they perform as "airheads" for the first time.
It may not be a stepping stone to a new career. But it should be a hell of a lot of fun . . . and a source of plenty of on-air promos.
If there is no Premiere station in your time warp, don’t fret. Simply line up a youth market outlet, set a word-of-mouth screening for its listeners, and adapt the plan outlined above.
After all, the name of the game is "airplay."
If you think it takes talent to play a totally invisible instrument, what about those who rhapsodize on the real thing?
In this radio tie-in, participating deejays should begin by explaining that in Bill & Ted’s new movie, the San Dimas duo and their medieval princess babes are precariously poised on the brink of superstardom. All that stands between "Wyld Stallyns" and the fame foretold by their future tutor, Rufus, is to win the battle of the bands.
Young musicians in the listening audience indubitably have the same aspiration. And the station is prepared to back them to the hilt.
They may win an on-air audition. They may cop a gig at a local nightspot. The least they’ll receive for tuning in and tuning up is a pair of passes to one hell of a movie.
Competing bands are instructed to send in demo cassette tapes from which tie-in deejays will choose the semi-finalists. Each day during the play-off period, the station airs two or more demos. Listeners have an hour in which to phone in and vote for their favorite group. The daily winner’s tape is held over for the next day’s competition against another set of potential non-unknowns until one band emerges triumphant.
Among the prizes might be a local tie-in TV appearance . . . a professional engagement at a youth club or nightclub . . . use of the station’s equipment and facilities to cut a "studio demo" which the band can send on to record companies . . . or if you throw a Bill and Ted party (described elsewhere in this kit), top billing at your "Non-Bogus Bash."
BILL & TED’S NON-BOGUS BASH
"Party on, dude!"
That simple, yet elegant invitation should be all you need to precede a most unprecedented night of unbogus fun. But it helps to arrange for a tie-in radio station and a most esteemed nightspot to join the festivities.
Obviously un-misnomered, "BILL & TED’S NON-BOGUS BASH" is an egregious event that should be hosted by the station’s top jocks and feature a cornucopia of games, contests, prizes, drinks and comestibles . . . like good stuff to eat.
* It’s the perfect place to stage your "Bill & Ted’s Excellent Air Guitar Contest" and/or a "Battle of the Bands" (as described elsewhere in this guide).
* In the spirit of the pair’s game attempt to get the hell out of hell, "Beat the Devil" game tourneys are most incumbent. Assemble an array of challenges like "Clue" . . . "Battleship" . . . electric play-action football . . . "Chutes and Ladders" . . . "Parcheesi" . . . darts . . . maybe even some video games if the venue is properly equipped. Keep score: dudes against dudes, babes against babes, evil doubles against evil doubles -- or vice-versa. And be sure to reward the winners.
* As far as food goes, base the menu on historical figures who figure in Bill & Ted’s adventures. For example, try Julius Caesar salad, Joan of Are-ka-bobs, Madame Duck Curie, Lincoln cheese logs, (and, in honor of his Secretary of State, Salmon P. Chase croquettes), J.S. Bach’s lunches, Freud chicken, and Ty corn on the Cobb. Finally, top the meal off with Marie Antoinette’s "Let Them Eat" cake for dessert.
* Drinks should pose no problem. But they usually do. Nevertheless, serve up some Napoleon brandy or Albert Einstein-s of beer. For those who eschew alcohol, how about Shirley Temple "Shirley Temples?"
* Stage a costume competition among those who emerge from the murky pages of history. Score your "esteemed personages" on a scale from "Bogus" to "Bodacious" with a grand prize for the most excellent pseudo-celebrity.
* Use this "party-on party" as the site of your "Bill &Ted-Evil Bill/Evil Ted" look-alike contest, inspired by the duo’s double-crossing doppelgangers (again featured elsewhere on these pages).
BILL & TED’S TYME SURE FLIES CAPSULE
As the dingy long-haired quantum dude once hypothesized, "E=MC Hammer." Which means that in time and outer space, everyone’s your relative.
To hammer that message home . . . and knock out some free promotional space . . . conduct the following week-long experiment.
Arrange with a tie-in radio station to mock-up a time capsule. Then invite listeners to suggest items the capsule should contain to reflect the culture of Bill and Ted’s time. Namely today.
Anything goes (at the discretion of participating deejays) from brand new pre-ripped blue jeans . . . to one of those key chains that beeps when you clap . . . to a Madonna video.
When full, your capsule should be sealed. On-air personalities should participate in interring it in a public place, like the lobby of your theatre, or a local shopping mall on the opening night of BILL & TED’S BOGUS JOURNEY. You might want to keep it under glass so patrons can get a good look.
Exactly seven days later, the capsule should be recovered, opened and examined -- as an on-air event -- so that everyone can see how profoundly BILL & TED’S BOGUS JOURNEY has changed the world in just one week.
THE MOST FOREMOST BILL AND TED DUDES OF ALL TIME
Bill and Ted may be the only two dudes who’ve ever started out flunking history, only to go down in it. But several of their namesakes are equally renowned.
That’s the catalyst for this radio quiz in which the answer to each question is someone named Bill or Ted. (If a tie-in deejay needs a contest hook, this should fit the bill . . . or, at least, the ted.)
1. Name the rough-riding presidential Teddy boy who was the Bull Moose Party’s first -- and last -- candidate. TEDDY ROOSEVELT
2. To prove his music was ahead of its time, this Bill rocked around the clock. BILL HALEY
3. Who’s the outlandish, outrageous Bill who hangs around in the comics with an oversexed penguin? BILL THE CAT FROM "OUTLAND"
4. This guitar maniac isn’t a cat, but he’s obviously been scratched by one. And if you know his hit song, you know the fever’s catching. TED NUGENT
5. This Bill has been a father figure to generations of stand-up comics, Jell-O fanatics and TV viewers. His pal, Fat Albert, would be proud. BILL COSBY
6. Quick! Name the Bill who started the Pony Express back when you absolutely, positively had to get it there next month. BUFFALO BILL CODY
7. This Ted has been called the sexiest dude on television. The patrons at a Boston bar will drink to that. TED DANSON
8. Everybody remembers his brother, Wally, his dad, Ward, and his mother, June. But what was the "Beaver’s" full name? THEODORE "TED" CLEAVER
9. He’s paled around with Mick Jagger for nearly thirty years, but this notable dude has never been caught off bass. BILL WYMAN OF THE ROLLING STONES
10. For two dollar bettors, he was the "Two Dollar" Bill who rode more winners than any other jockey in racing history. BILL SHOEMAKER
11. He was "Saturday Night Live’s" live wire who hit his stride in the movies, busting ghosts. HINT: His name is Bill. BILL MURRAY
FORUM OR AGAINST ‘EM
If you want to know what today’s teens have on their minds, get with Bill and Ted.
Better yet, get a top-rated deejay to talk to his listeners . . . and give them a chance to get with BILL & TED’S BOGUS JOURNEY as a guest of the station.
The idea is for the deejay to poll his audience and find out what’s in . . . what’s out . . . what’s hot . . . what’s not . . . what turns them on . . . what gets them off. Those who share their views on the air get a pair of passes to see the on-screen action.
Each day for a week prior to the opening of BILL & TED’S BOGUS JOURNEY, the tie-in jock explains the polling procedure, poses the daily question and opens the phone lines. Topics might range from "Today’s most exellent (sic) rock star is . . . " to "What attracts me to a dude (or babe) is . . . " to "The first thing I’d do if I won the lottery would be . . ." to "If I could travel in time, I’d go to . . . "
Tie-in deejays -- who know their audience best -- are bound to come up with their own survey questions.
In addition to the movie tickets, special prizes could be in order for those whose answers are the most entertaining, offbeat or perceptive.
BILLS AND TEDS GO TO THE MOVIES
How many Bills and Teds are there?
The answer -- like new math -- is one of the most confounding mysteries of the universe. Start with the fact that Bill and Ted met themselves coming and going, frequently by phone booth, in their first adventure. Then add the gruesome twosome -- Evil Bill and Evil Ted.
But that’s just for openers.
There are scores of Bills and Teds throughout the country who are bound to enjoy their namesakes’ exploits.
The idea is to arrange with a promotion-minded radio station to hold a special screening at which the ticket of admission is to be named Bill, Ted or a variation thereof . . . or come with someone who is. Which opens the event to anyone bearing a valid piece of identification bearing the name William . . . Guillermo . . . Wilhelm . . . Willy . . . Willie . . . Wilhemina . . . Billie Jean King . . . Williamette . . . Ted . . . Theodore . . . Thaddeus . . . Edward M. Kennedy . . . Teddy . . . Teddie Jean King . . . Theodosius . . . etc. As well as anyone fortunate enough to have an aptly-named friend.
The station should point out in its on-air announcements and other promotions that there will be "NO EVIL ROBOTS ADMITTED, WHATEVER THEY CALL THEMSELVES. EVIL ROBOTS LIE!"
BILL & TED’S BOGUS LOOK-ALIKE CONTEST
No one looks more like Bill and Ted than their robotic replicas, Evil Bill and Evil Ted.
Which makes that classic promotional ploy -- the look-alike contest -- fair game.
The sole caveat is that only two-person teams -- consisting of one "Bill" and one "Ted" -- can compete. But the contest can be conducted anywhere . . . in a mall, at the theatre, in a phone booth, at your Bill and Ted’s Non-Bogus Bash. You name it.
Depending on the site, line up a promotional partner (like a radio station or a promotion-minded merchant). Then have deejays and other celebrities serve as judges. And when you promote the prizes, make sure you have two of everything.
The contest should be open to males, females and even mixed doubles with one important proviso. To prevent heinous hoaxes, prominently post a sign which reads:
"NO EVIL ROBOTS ALLOWED!"
INTERZONAL TIME TRAVEL THROUGH TELEPHONY
It’s no accident that Bill and Ted defy the laws of gravity, physics and the San Dimas P.D. in a telephone booth. What better way to reach out and touch someone in another time zone? Or a different dimension?
To prove the point -- and play up the movie -- arrange with a top deejay to make his (or her) audience a most unrivalled offer.
First, the deejay picks a faraway place -- Nepal, for instance -- then tells listeners something like this:
"Right now, it’s 3:00 AM in Katmandu, Nepal. If you know anyone in Katmandu, if you have their phone number and you’re willing to share your conversation with the rest of the audience, phone us immediately and we’ll put you through to Katmandu. If no one answers or the line is busy, you’ll still win tickets to see Bill and Ted zoom through time and space in a phone booth in BILL & TEDS BOGUS JOURNEY. If you don’t know anyone in Katmandu, stay tuned because we’ll place another call in one hour to . . . Lapland! Maybe you know somebody there."
Not every promo will pay off in a phone call. (How many of us know people in Nepal . . . or Lapland . . . or the Orkney Isles?) But those that do should make for some great on-air eavesdropping. And, either way, Bill & Ted get plugged in.
BOGUS BILLS AND TEDS
Bill and Ted don’t believe in passing the buck (mostly because they don’t have one to spare). But that shouldn’t stop you -- or promotion-minded local merchants -- from blitzing your burg with bucks good for great deals on pizzas, burgers, tacos, chicken, music, clothing and other totally terrific things.
All it takes is to print up a bunch of "Bogus Bills and Teds" -- fake currency featuring the face of Evil Bill on one side and Evil Ted on the other. Just take the reproducible artwork on the next page to your local printer, and tell him to, "Mint on, dude!"
Then arrange for fast food franchises, music outlets, boutiques, salons, amusement arcades and other youth-oriented retailers to honor "Bogus Bills and Teds" as discount coupons.
You can pass out the funny money at the theatre, in high traffic areas like shopping malls, and through radio tie-ins. If people save the bogus bills, instead of spending them, that’s okay, too. They should be worth a fortune by 2691.
NON-BOGUS BOGUS STICKERS
NOTE: To clarify the situation – in advance – please be advised: Unlike the "Bogus Bills" printed elsewhere in this kit (which are fake), the "Bogus Stickers" presented below are real.
Like Bill and Ted, young moviegoers know what’s bogus and what isn’t. And they don’t hesitate to put the word out on the street . . . the fence . . . the school books . . . the school . . . or anything else that stays stationary long enough to become an impromptu "Bill-& Ted-board."
We’ve all heard about the writing on the wall. This time, it better say BILL & TED’S BOGUS JOURNEY.
Fortunately, on the next page, you’ll find reproducible artwork designed for producing self-adhesive stickers that bear the words "BOGUS – Courtesy of BILL & TED’S BOGUS JOURNEY." Print them up. Then hand them out and let the kids decide where these stickers apply.
It’s amazing . . . unbelievable . . . scary . . . almost too much for a mortal mind to bear. In 100 years of moviemaking, no one’s ever seen anything like a Bill or a Ted. Then -- WHAMMO!
Suddenly, there are two identical Bills and two ditto Teds. And not even our heroes can tell the real thems from the fake thems.
There’s only one thing to do: Run a contest promotion. (It’s a dirty job, but somebody has to do it.)
On the next page, you’ll find eight photos of what would appear to the naked eye to be Bill and Ted. But look closer. Because half the shots are actually Evil Bill and Evil Ted -- which means that contestants must somehow determine who’s who.
Formatted for duplication (like Evil Bill and Evil Ted), this slick should be passed on to local newspapers, neighborhood shopping circulars or a weekly entertainment guides. Or used to create a heinously hermetic herald to hand out at theatres and shopping malls.
Since this is such a stupefying puzzle, it seems only fair that winners receive a stupendous prize: Tickets to see BILL AND TED’S BOGUS JOURNEY.
(Scroll to bottom for picture. - Ani)
There are two things to remember about history.
It’s stuff that happened.
And it shows up on tests.
But since those exams are usually multiple choice tests, even people who don’t know anything about history can take pride in being right about 25% of the time.
Now, here’s a test on which even Bill & Ted could score 100 % because the answers are all incongruous (where laws are made). To score with your audience, pass it out . . . and on . . . promotionally.
1. The first Continental Congress was held at the . . .
A) Arsenio Hall Show. B) Gettysburg Address. C) Love Shack.
2. Alexander Graham Bell’s first words on the telephone were . . .
A) "The number you have reached is not in service." B) "Please deposit twenty cents for the next three minutes. C) "You have reached the bell residence. We’re sorry we’re not home to take your call."
3. Name the most valuable jewel in history.
A) The Neil Diamond B) The Oliver Stone C) The Minnie Pearl
4. Who painted the Mona Lisa?
A) Leonardo the Turtle B) Vincent Van Patten C) Who knows? The dude never got caught
5. Joan of Arc was . . .
A) Noah’s wife. B) The Minute Maid of New Orleans. C) A famous French torch singer.
6. Who started the great Chicago Fire?
A) Mrs. O’Leary’s cow B) Joan of Arc C) You can’t pin it on me
7. Which of the following was not tried for witchcraft in Salem?
A) The witches of Eastwick B) Ozzy Osbourne C) Shirley McLaine
8. The Great Pyramids are . . .
A) An Egyptian rock band. B) A mail order scam. C) Pyramid-shaped
9. Which of the following was not named in honor of an American president?
A) The Lincoln Tunnel B) The George Washington Bridge C) Route 66
10. The first American to walk on the moon was . . .
A) Michael Jackson. B) Roseanne Barr. C) Alice Kramden.