A Keanu Christmas
by Vivian Holland
All I want for Christmas is Keanu Reeves -- nude and stuffed in my stocking or left under my tree wrapped only with a big red bow. The 30-year-old Speed star is inarguably one of the hottest, sexiest male actors in Hollywood today. In fact, he's so unbearably sexy that we wish all of his movies would come with a guarantee of seeing at least a glimpse of his beautiful naked body. But since that, unfortunately, is not the case, here's a guide to a couple of his more well known films that will definitely make your holiday season a little merrier.
Catch Keanu in the altogether in Point Break. His role as an undercover surfing FBI agent gives us many great ganders of him wearing a slick, form-hugging wet suit. But that's not all! In a bedroom scene toward the end of the film, he confesses to Lori Petty that he's a Fed. She screams and runs out of the room, and a stark-naked Keanu dashes after her. We're treated to a fabulous glimpse of his rump before he trips, gets tangled in the sheets and reveals a bit of dark pubic hair.
The numero uno Keanu nudie so far has got to be in his best film, 1991's My Own Private Idaho, which shows him bare in two montage sequences. In the first one, he's on a large bed with River Phoenix and Udo Kier. Phoenix manages to keep a red silk bathrobe around his waist most the time, but Keanu is totally stripped and seen from quite a variety of un-usual angles. The second comes toward the end of the film with his character's girlfriend. His beautiful pear-shaped butt is displayed enticingly from above, below and sideways.
A more recent Reeves vehicle, Much Ado About Nothing, contains an extended raucous male nude scene. But don't be fooled! Although Keanu dramatically charges on horseback toward the bathing boys, our almond-eyed hero is, regrettably, not one of the frolickers. Kenneth Branagh, Robert Sean Leonard and numerous naked male extras bathe their buxom bare bottoms. Keanu, where were you?
In another effort of late, Little Buddha, he plays Prince Siddhartha and wears a low-slung loin cloth that reaches to his knees and reveals nothing front or back. The 30 pounds he lost for the part leave his body emaciated but still attractive, and his intriguing abdominal scar is usually covered with makeup.
Well, we can only hope that our Chinese-Hawaiian-British hunk god will stop being a tease in his 1995 by dropping everything and finally showing us his big Kahuna. Aloha and happy holidays!