Keanu's Rockin Role Letter Rip: Gig Was Noteworthy (NOT!)
by Devin Rose
(This appeared in the Chicago Tribune KidsNews section....)
When I heard that your new band, Dogstar, was coming to town, I had to be there. No way, never, nuh uh was I gonna miss seeing you in the flesh. Besides, I figured someday I could tell my (future) kids I'd been there when you were just starting your musical career, before you became the greatest rock 'n' roller of all time.
So I got to the show early and marched straight to the floor in front of the stage. I endured two lame opening acts, got knocked around by hyper groupies and stood my ground. Finally, your band was announced -- and I almost lost my hearing right then and there, with all these girls shrieking, "KEEEEEEEEEAAANUUUUUUUUU!" But then came the moment we'd all been waiting (and waiting and waiting) for: You bounced out on stage with your three fellow band members, looking cute in that shy, dopey-sweet way you have. For an hour, you played bass guitar over in your corner as your band rocked the house. And K-man, I have just one thing to say:
Don't quit your day job, actor dude.
I know, it can be pretty unglamorous playing bass. Who can blame you if you just bounced up and down and bopped your head -- but it looked as if you and the rest of the band were grooving on totally different beats. And how come you didn't sing? I heard that you sang at earlier shows but weren't too great -- still, is that any reason to take a guy's microphone away?
Also, I figure it has to bug the rest of the band -- they sing and play their hearts out, then all you have to do is wave or smile and the audience screams wildly and throws underwear on stage (don't look at me). And it seemed a little ominous that during the introductions, guitarist Gregg Miller said you were playing bass for the band "tonight." Sound like a temp job to you, Keanu?
And K.R., this got me hopping mad: A groupie girl in front of me kept climbing on some guy's shoulders to take pictures, and no one could see. When the crowd yelled at her, she wheeled around and hissed at us! Not pretty. Who needs that kind of grief when I can hand over a few bucks, plop down in a comfy theater, chew Milk Duds and see you in a flick?
Oh... I was way impressed that you didn't try to hog the stage. You could have whirled a microphone (if they'd let you have one) or trashed your guitar like a big star. How tired!
That's it, dude. Can't wait to catch your next flick. Now don't be mad, OK?
Your Fan Always, No Matter What, Devin Rose