Tea with Ted

by Ted Casablanca

Hi, everybody, it's Ted Casablanca. I want to share something with you...Today Keanu Reeves' publicist hung up on me. I've never been hung up on. How was your day?

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From jo: Why did Keanu's publicist hang up on you?

Well, I was giving her this recipe for potato salad and she didn't like the ingredients. Is nothing sacred at this Tea? I'll have to think about this one. I'm not sure I can repeat all the ingredients of the conversation, so let's just say she is not pleased with the column.

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From donna: I would really like to know if Keanu's girlfriend tricked him into getting her pregnant. I wonder if he feels he was betrayed. I'm curious about what the child may look like, and I would like to know more about Jennifer Syme.

Um, from all accounts I've heard from insiders in the Keanu camp, it was not a trick but rather an accident. And there's a big difference. She's an attractive girl, and he's a good-looking guy. Not anything like Ryan and Reese's kid. (Ugh, who knows what that will look like.) I think he'll go to great pains to be a good father.

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From Lisa: Regarding your query to the South Park creators, "Who is the biggest fart in Hollywood?" Your answer, please.

Keanu Reeves' publicist!