So you're funny? Enter The BG News humor contest!
Now's your chance to grab the spotlight.
Nine of 10 students think they're funny, but just because your grandmother can't stop snorting at your knock-knock jokes doesn't make you the next Rodney Dangerfield.
If you want to prove yourself to a real audience -- this campus -- enter our spring "Make Keanu Reeves Laugh" humor writing contest.
On Fridays, The BG News will print only the single funniest article received in the previous week. And our standards are high. If, at any point in reading, we think that Mr. Reeves himself wouldn't say "Whoa, that's funny stuff," your article goes in the trash.
If we don't get any funny articles, we just won't print anything. After all, we could always keep running the filler saying that the average person eats eight spiders a year.
The benefits of winning include getting your picture published with your article and receiving a hearty handshake and/or high five from your favorite member of the BG News staff. Of course, we can't pay you. Nor do we want to.
There aren't many rules: Articles can be insightful or meaningless, as long as they're funny. They must be between 600 and 800 words (the length of a guest column). Also, personal attacks are allowed on no one but Tony Danza, Mr. Reeves himself, and any other deserving celebrities.
Send articles to firstname.lastname@example.org or bring them to 210 West Hall. Be sure to keep your foul, mother-kissing-mouth out of your writing, as it will give us yet another reason to send your hard work to the shredder.
So dust off your one-liners, polish your puns and prepare to insult someone's mother because this paper has no room for corny knock-knock jokes. Except for the one about the impatient cow - my grandma loves that one.
Come on. We try our best. And now we're trying to reward you for reading us. So don't let us down. If you're lucky, we might print another picture of Gary Coleman, the ultimate comedian, with your writing.