Hollywood Whack Attack
by Robert Newton
When David Wells over at Hollywood Elsewhere asked readers recently who in Hollywood they would "whack" (in the Godfather sense of the word), he soon found his inbox stuffed with a virtual avalanche of responses, all of them passionate, most of them very specific. Some examples:
"Larry or Andy Wachowski. I'd make Keanu [Reeves] pick which one survives, Sophie's Choice-style. Somebody has to pay for the total Matrix collapse of '03, and you can only blame Joel Silver to a certain extent." --John Sheridan
"If I were going to execute people, I'd start with Keanu Reeves. His movies qualify as crimes against humanity. In fact, just about everyone associated with Point Break would get at least a near fatal beating. Also, McG's body would mysteriously turn up at the bottom of a mine shaft." --Brad Sims
Wells occasionally speaks up with what he calls the 'Wells Exception': "Keanu has been pretty good in more than a few films. He was perfect in The Matrix and in the Bill and Ted movies and in River's Edge. And what's so terrible about Point Break?"
A reader from Florida suggests a more productive solution in dealing with the shite-bringers: "Is whacking the way to go? Are we past the point of reprogramming? Locking up Michael Bay, McG, etc. in your prison and then forcing them to watch good movies 16 hours a day, until they can't comprehend the shit they made before? It might be kinda fun to see how long it would take to break them." --James Watson
Check out Wells thoughtful and literate website here, and please keep the thread going with suggestions of your own.