Who is 'John Wick'? No, Really. Who is he?
by Meghan O'Keefe
As of this moment, only one film in theaters this weekend has a full 100% rating score on Rotten Tomatoes. It’s not Birdman and it’s not Gone Girl. It’s the new Keanu Reeves thriller John Wick.
We were as surprised as you to discover that the best film of the season was a film that we had only really become aware of in the last month. And even then, our awareness was confined to our sheer befuddlement. Who was John Wick? Why does he have a movie? Is this going to be like Jack Reacher or something? However, after we did some digging, we discovered that John Wick might turn out to be our favorite film of the season.
We get it, though, if you still have questions. Don’t worry. We have answers.
Who? Wait. What? Huh? How? WHAT IS GOING ON?
That’s what we were wondering, too.
Wait, what’s John Wick?
We told you. It’s an action film starring Keanu Reeves. Right now, it’s got an enormous amount of buzz for a film based on a character no one has ever heard about.
So, who is John Wick?
When the film starts, John Wick is a grieving widower whose only joys in life are his kickass ride and his adorable dog. He’s nice, he’s fun, he’s a little sad, and he wants to just hang out with the aforementioned dog. In fact, he’s so obsessed with this super cute dog because it was the last thing his wife gave to him before she died.
What’s the catch?
The catch is that a smirking brat played by Alfie “Theon Greyjoy” Allen sees John Wick’s cool ride at a gas station and offers to buy it. When Wick says it’s not for sale, it’s revealed that Allen’s character is a crime boss’s son with a bunch of thugs at his command. They follow Wick home, beat him up, steal his car, and...um...do something horrible to the dog. John Wick vows vengeance, which is a big deal because John Wick just so happens to be the best hit man of all time. He comes out of retirement just to avenge his dog!
This doesn’t sound like real life at all.
That’s because it’s not supposed to! According to MovieFone, it doesn’t take place in the real world at all. Rather, John Wick lives “in a fancifully mythological realm where criminal activity is paid for in gold coins that look like doubloons from a sunken pirate ship, people come and clean up bodies if you dial the right phone number, and criminals stay in an underworld hotel exclusively for those living outside the law.” So, it’s like if all your favorite video games were brought to life! (And yes, my favorite video game is Super Mario Bros. 3. I LIKE GOLD COINS.)
That sounds stupid.
Hey, it’s about as believable as sending a science teacher into space to fix a machine, but that’s how Gravity starts — and you ate Gravity up last year.
Okay, but is Keanu Reeves going to be lame in this?
Nope. From all accounts, Keanu is unleashing his inner badass in this one. Don’t expect the Keanu Reeves of Sweet November. Expect an older, grizzlier version of the guy who rocked our worlds in Point Break and The Matrix.
Keanu is going to kick ass?
Keanu is going to kick so much ass. All of the reviews of this film say it’s crazy violent. The film’s director is a seasoned fight choreographer, so every drawn out melee looks and feels magnificent.
Wait, so what you’re telling me is that John Wick is going to be a surprisingly awesome film?
Yes, even though it’s kind of like Taken, but with a puppy, John Wick looks to be the badass film of the season. I am pre-ordering my tickets right now.