Vice (US), Nov 14, 2019
Keanu Reeves Is SpongeBob's God Now
by River Donaghey
Keanu Reeves has had a great year. He starred in rom-coms and action movies and decided to reprise his two most iconic roles—and he became the internet's boyfriend while still somehow managing to stay exceedingly humble about the whole thing. The guy even stumped Stephen Colbert into silence with his spiritual musings on the nature of mortality. And now, apparently, he's decided to celebrate the beginning of a new decade in the most Keanu Reeves way possible: by, uh, playing some kind of god in the new SpongeBob SquarePants movie?
On Thursday, Paramount released the trailer for the third SpongeBob movie, and, yes, Keanu makes a very important cameo. Please, just behold:
The new SpongeBob sequel, called Sponge on the Run, follows that strange, CGI SpongeBob from the other movies on a quest to find Gary, who has apparently been "snailnapped," and—wait, who cares? All that matters is that Keanu Reeves is in this movie and that he plays some kind of spiritual being who appears in a mystical tumbleweed.
"Call me sage," the celestial Keanu shrub says. "I am made out of sage and I am a sage, so it works out pretty well."
Why you ask, is Keanu Reeves in this movie? Why is he appearing as some kind of holy spiritual vision with an inexplicable knowledge of Celtic vocabulary? Who knows! Who cares! Nothing means anything anymore.
Tumbleweed Keanu is your god now. Get used to it.
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