THE BOGUS ADVENTURES OF KEANU THE WHALE
| Accio Keanu! |
| Anakin_McFly |
*waits*
|
| ckage |
What in the world is that? -_- |
| Anakin_McFly |
Don't you read Harry Potter? That's a Summoning spell. It's supposed to make things fly to you... |
| ckage |
No, I don't read it. But I imagined it could be a Potter thing... But I would be careful with that magic stuff if I were you. I hear spells have to be specific. Now I bet all the Keanus in the world are now flying at you. Cats, dogs and pet lizards included. |
| Anakin_McFly |
Good point. *dodges someone's pet iguana* AVADA KEDAVRA! *nearby Keanus fall dead to the ground* Crud. Who names a blue whale Keanu? Ooh, looks like I got some humans in the blast. ...Hey, that one looks familiar. |
| ckage |
What a mess. "...Hey, that one looks familiar." Now we have to talk: you better know some bring-back-to-life mambo-jambo, or you're in big trouble, missy. |
| lefty10 |
You guys are so cute! I am picturing that scene! |
| Anakin_McFly |
*checks corpse* Yep, it's Reeves. Oops. Okay, this is bad... I don't think that there are any resurrection spells out there... but hey, he's almost done with Night Watch, right? It's not like he'll be missed or anything... could always say that he had another motorbike accident... Unless... Oh wait! Polyjuice Potion! *yanks out several strands of Keanu's hair and dumps into nearby cauldron.* *feeds resulting potion to the blue whale, who is still twitching slightly - blast wasn't powerful enought to kill it* *blue whale turns into a very confused Keanu Reeves* There! No one will know the difference. Off to the Night Watch set it is, then. *grabs hold of Keanu-the-whale and Disapparates* *arrives on Night Watch set* *Keanu-the-whale sprouts a tail* ...Oops. I forgot Polyjuice Potion doesn't work on animals. |
| keanugirl76 |
The Harry's charm I would use to attract Keanu: EXPECTO PATRONUM And please, never say "A..... K.......", 'cause I would never use that even by joke |
| Anakin_McFly |
Expecto Patronum? How would that work? Meanwhile: Random Night Watch crew member: "Uh, Keanu? I don't mean to be rude, but you, um, appear to have a tail." Keanu-the-Whale: *blinks* RNMCM: "Where'd you get it?" Keanu-the-Whale: *sees fish tank* *lunges happily at fish tank and sticks head in* RNMCM: *shakes head* Actors... hey, who are you? Oops. *whips out the invisibility cloak stolen from Harry Potter, puts it on, and vanishes* Keanu-the-Whale: *happily spurts water out a newly-appeared hole in his head* |
| ckage |
*goes after the wanabe wizard, fuming* Quit the nonsense and put the right Keanu back where and how it was! |
| keanugirl76 |
Expecto Patronum: It works when you want someone to come and protect you. You think of a person, an animal or an object and it gets materialized. |
| Anakin_McFly |
It doesn't work that way. You're just supposed to think happy thoughts. You don't have control over what your Patronus looks like. Most of the time it's the embodiment of your true love, according to JKR, so you can't exactly... ...Never mind. --- *creeps up (under the Invisibility Cloak) to Keanu-the-whale and drags him slowly away from the fish tank and into a nearby trailer filled with large posters of unidentified creatures watching the night* *locks trailer door* Keanu-the-whale: *spurts water out his head in a questionning sort of way* *someone knocks on door* RNWCM: Mr. Reeves, are you all right? Keanu-the-whale: *starts looking blue and rubbery and slightly bigger than before* *whips off Invisibility Cloak and throws it over Keanu-the-whale* *swigs down Polyjuice Potion* *turns into Keanu* *opens door* "Uh, hi... is something wrong?" RNWCM: *eyes narrow* "What happened to your tail?" "Oh... it, uh, disappeared. Yeah. Must have been the fish. Good fish." RNWCM: "And... why did you even have a tail?" "Yeah, see, that's what I've gotta talk to you about. I've, uh, decided to become a whale. Yeah." RNWCM: *blink* "It's been hard, but I've finally decided to accept the truth: I'm really a whale in a man's body." RNWCM: ...... "I mean, if Tom Cruise can do his sofa-jumping thing, why can't I become a whale if I want to? Don't you think I should be allowed to assert my true self?" RNWCM: NO! "...All right then. Get Erwin over here and tell him that I'll make a deal with him: either let me do Bill & Ted 3, or I'm going to become a whale. He can take his pick." RNWCM: What? *folds arms and glares* RNWCM: *shakes head and leaves to get Erwin* *goes back into trailer*
Keanu-the-whale: *happily squirts more water over someone's makeup set* |
| LuxuriantN |
I guess you have to be a Potter fan to get this thread lol. |
| keanugirl76 |
Oh, I got it 'mixed' with RIDIKKULUS...with all those charms... Well, Keanu is a happy thought, isn't he? |
| Anakin_McFly |
No, Ridikkulus (sp?) is what you say to a Boggart to make it look ridiculous and therefore not-scary. "Well, Keanu is a happy thought, isn't he " Yes. |
| keanugirl76 |
Ok, so I'll invent a new charm: "KEANISSIMUS!" |
| Anakin_McFly |
What's that charm do? And you probably mean a spell; a charm is a spell that you do on an object to give it certain properties without physically altering it. According to my brother, anyway, who knows more about HP than I do. Meanwhile... Trailer door: *is knocked on* RNWCM: Erwin says to stop being stupid and get out of there. *throws on Invisibility Cloak* *nudges Keanu-the-whale* "Get out there." Keanu-the-whale: ? *opens trailer door and shoves Keanu-the-whale out* Keanu-the-whale: *blinks* *fwaps tail about* *spurts water* *looks rubbery* Then the Polyjuice Potion wears off, and there's a full-grown blue whale in the middle of the Night Watch set. ** HEADLINES: Actor Keanu Reeves Turns into Blue Whale; Fans Are Upset Transpecies Groups Applaud New Hollywood Supporter of Their Cause Bill & Ted Fans Express Anger at Keanu Reeves' Manager: "If you'd just said yes, this wouldn't have happened." Keanu Fangirls Jailed for Attempted Bestiality ** =D *Apparates back to where it all started, finds a coffin for real!Keanu, and goes over to (dead link):* ** You put Keanu in, you put Keanu out; you put Keanu in, and you SHAKE HIM ALL ABOUT... |
| ckage |
@_@ -> Keanu |
| Anakin_McFly |
Whoa, corpses sure make funny expressions when you try to stick 'em into the coffin while singing a song. |
| ckage |
I told you: bring the foocking man back to life! |
| lefty10 |
are those movie lines? |
| Anakin_McFly |
No. "And you shake him-" Oops, there goes his right arm. Good thing the fella's left-handed. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
But I don't know how to! :( |
| taifunu |
try kissing him...it might help... |
| Anakin_McFly |
Ew gross no he's partly decomposed. I can hear strains of music being played backwards. |
| mz_black |
aww poor little duck |
| taifunu |
well, you don't get to complain : you created this mess, now you fix it...that should teach you playing the wannabe wizard next time... try kissing the whale ;) |