Matrix Revolutions: The Other Versions
Written by Anakin McFly
Collection 1
- The British Version: Enid Blyton Strikes Back
- The Dude-ified Version: Neo and Smith's Excellent Adventure
- The Llama Version: The Llama Has You
- The Uber-Blonde Version: Like, totallyli>
- The Whoa Version: Whoa
- The Chinese Version
- The Pokemon Version: Neo, I Choose You!
- The Science Version: Physics is Phun!
1. The British Version: Enid Blyton Strikes Back
The rain fell, fell as it never had before. Sheets of water cascaded down from the dark clouds above, and the heavens rumbled with the sounds of thunder. Below, the city was a dark wasteland. Tall buildings, almost identical, rose up towards the twilight sky; and in them, the Smith clones watched by the windows as the final battle was about to begin.
"Good evening, Mr. Anderson, my good sir," Smith greeted. "How are you today?"
Neo stared straight ahead at the man. "Quite fine indeed, old chap. Horrid weather today, isn't it?"
Smith's lips curled upwards in a smile. "Oh yes. I created it, you know. Took a fair bit of effort, too. Do you like it?"
"I'm really sorry to have to tell you this, Smith, but I daresay I will have to kill you tonight."
Smith sighed. "Oh, bother! I'll get my nice suit all wet and dirty. Mother would be furious!"
"You don't have a mother, Smith."
Realisation hit the Agent. "By gosh, you're absolutely right! Well, I suppose you could consider the Oracle to be my mother. And she bakes the most scrumptious cookies!"
"Oh yes, old fruit!" Neo agreed. "Her cooking is delicious!"
There was a long pause. Rain fell. Thunder clapped. Douglas Adams is dead.
"I suppose we should get on with it, then," Neo said after some time.
"A pity, really," his oppenent remarked. "It's a mighty fine day today, not fit to be squandered on pointless fighting when we know all too well that I'm going to win in the end."
"We've had a marvellous time, Smith, you and I. But I suppose that everything has to end, some time."
"After you, Mr. Anderson."
"As you wish, then."
Neo hit him, then they were off in the air... The Virus and The One, battling above the city of the Matrix, fighting for the fate of humankind.
2. The Dude-ified Version: Neo and Smith's Excellent Adventure
It was a most triumphant storm. It had clouds and thunder and lightning and everything, and there were these clone dudes who all looked like Agent Smith standing around the place. They were all wearing really excellent sunglasses. The original Agent Smith was standing in the middle, and Neo was walking towards him. He also had really excellent sunglasses, and I want them but he won't let me try them on. He's got this real pair that's based on the one he has in the Matrix, but he keeps it to himself all the time which is just selfish.
"Mr. Anderson, welcome back," Agent Smith said.
"How's it going, dudes?" Neo asked in a much more friendly voice than Smith's.
"We... missed you," Smith said, ignoring Neo's greeting, which was totally rude of him.
But Neo didn't follow his example. "Yeah, me too," he said.
Smith was still kinda talking to himself, because he was ignoring everything Neo said. "Like what I've done to the place?"
"Yeah!" Neo exclaimed happily. "It's like 'Attack of the Clones', dude!"
"No, Mr. Anderson, it's not."
"Oh."
Smith has this totally egregious habit of always calling Neo 'Mr. Anderson'. Neo doesn't like it, and he keeps telling Smith to call him 'Neo', but Smith never listens. I think maybe he's slightly deaf.
"You've forgotten your lines again, haven't you, Mr. Anderson?"
"Um..." Neo said.
"So why, why, may I ask, are you getting paid more than me? Why, Mr. Anderson, WHY?"
"I don't know, dude," said Neo.
"You are wasting your time, Mr. Anderson."
Neo's face lit up. "So can I go then?"
Smith just glared at him in a most heinous way. "No, Mr. Anderson," he said. "You cannot escape. Resistance is futile, Mr. Anderson."
"Bogus," Neo sighed.
"Yes, Mr. Anderson. You have reached the point of no return and there is no returning. Tonight, either you die or I die. Most probably it will be you that dies, Mr. Anderson, because I'll prefer it that way."
"Bogus," Neo said again.
"Everything that has a beginning has an end, Mr. Anderson."
"How about the Neverending Story, dude?" Neo asked.
"It ended, Mr. Anderson."
Neo was shocked. "No way!"
"Yes way!"
"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Neo yelled, like the way Luke Skywalker did when he found out that the most bodaciously evil dude in the galaxy was actually his dad.
But Smith hadn't watched Star Wars, or maybe he was really deaf like I said, because he didn't say anything about Neo's Star Wars reference.
"You see, Mr. Anderson," he said instead, "there is nothing left in this world for you to fight for. So why don't you just give up?"
Neo scratched his head and looked puzzled. "I thought you said I couldn't leave, dude."
Now Smith was confused too. "Oh," he said. "Uh..."
Neo stopped being confused and grinned. "GOTCHA, dude!"
Smith scowled most righteously at him, with his eyebrows doing evil eyebrow stuff. "Keep quiet, Mr. Anderson!" he said. "I'm trying to think!"
Neo became interested, because now he could try and see how other people did their thinking. He'd never really learnt how to think before, so now he could watch Smith and see how he d--
#
That was when Neo violently yanked the keyboard away from Ted Logan's fingers.
"What do you think you're..." Neo's eyes scanned through the words that the teen had typed out on the computer, and he raised his eyebrows. "That is NOT funny," he muttered darkly.
Neo hit several well-chosen keys on the keyboard, and the story was deleted before its author could do anything.
"Hey!" Ted yelled in a wounded voice when he realised what had happened. "I was writing that, dude!"
Neo closed the window for the Matrix Revolutions script as well. "Well, not anymore. Get lost. I want the computer."
"Can you lend me your sunglasses?" Ted asked hopefully.
Neo gritted his teeth. "For the forty-second time, NO!"
Ted's face fell. "Why?"
"Because. Get off the chair."
Miserably, the teen obeyed and trudged off to a corner of the room. Times like this, he really missed Bill.
3. The Llama Version: The Llama Has You
And so, Neo thought, as he walked the rain-spattered road towards his nemesis, it has come to this.
He remembered all he had gone through to reach this night. Remembered how, long ago, he had woken up to see that enigmatic message on his computer screen:
Wake up, Neo.
The Matrix has your llama.
Follow him.
He’s going, Neo.
That was when his best friend, Bob the Llama, had run past him to the door. He’d followed Bob through the night streets, not knowing what else to do, and Bob had let him to a party.
That was where he’d met Trinity.
“I know why you’re here, Neo. I know what you’ve been doing. I know why you hardly sleep, why you live alone, and why night after night you sit by your llama. It’s the question that drives us mad. It’s the question that brought you here. You know the question, just as I did.”
He knew the question, all right. “What do you get if you multiply six by nine?”
Trinity blinked. “Uh, no. I meant the other question.”
“What is the Matrix?”
She looked relieved. “Yeah, that one.”
Then the next day, the Agents had kidnapped Bob. And they caught him, too, when he tried to go after them. They wouldn’t let Bob go, and they said that they’d put Neo in jail if he tried to get Bob out.
Agent Smith stared squarely at him. “As you can see, we’ve had our eye on your llama for some time now, Mr. Anderson. It seems like he’s been living two lives. In one life, he’s Bob the Llama, your dear faithful pet. Like any good llama, all he does is chew and spit, but he also helps you to carry out your garbage, which is something most llamas won’t do. But his other life is lived in another world, a world in which he is known as Bob the Great. A world where he rules over a planet of people who worship him like a god and encourage his illegal activities – which we have reason to believe include plans to take over the universe.
“I’m going to be as forthcoming as I can, Mr. Anderson. Bob must be killed. And he’s going to be killed, whether you cooperate or not.”
Neo glared at him. “How about I give you the finger… and you give me my llama.”
“Tell me, Mr. Anderson… what good is a llama, if it is unable to spit?”
And Neo had watched in horror as the Agents sealed up poor Bob’s mouth. Neo had screamed and screamed, when all of a sudden he’d woken up in bed. Only Bob was nowhere to be seen.
Then someone named Morpheus had called him up, told him that he knew what was going on and that Neo was to meet him at a dingy room in Lafayette Hotel if he wanted to know more. So Neo had gone. He’d found Morpheus exactly where he’d been told. Morpheus had a shiny bald head.
“Do you believe in free will, Neo?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t like the idea that I’m not in control of my llama.”
“Ah. But what if I told you that you were not?”
“I…”
Then he’d gone into a room, strange things had happened with a mirror, and Neo had woken up in the Real World.
Morpheus told him the truth: it was now the future, and things had changed horrifically. This was a world where llamas were not born… they were grown. The machines had done it. Though Morpheus admitted one thing on behalf of the human race:
“…But it was us that scorched the llamas,” Morpheus said. “Some of us thought that, perhaps, if the llamas were burnt, the machines would not see much use in them any more. But we were wrong.”
For six months, they fought for the freedom of the llamas. Once, he died… but Trinity had resurrected him with those few immortal words:
“You can’t be dead. You can’t be, because I love llamas.”
And now, Neo was here for the final showdown. Face set, he approached Smith… but then he saw who lay next to him.
Bob.
Neo’s mouth fell open as he stared at his late beloved pet. Bob was dead. Maggots were crawling all over him, eating his flesh…
“Good evening, Mr. Anderson!” Smith greeted loudly. “Like what I’ve done to the llama?”
“No,” Neo choked out. “No… it can’t be… not Bob… NOOOOOOOOOO!”
Lightning flashed. Thunder clapped.
Neo’s vision swam as he observed Bob’s mangled form, lying there, slaughtered, maggoty…
Slowly, Neo crumpled onto the ground. It was all over… all over…
Neo died.
#
Room 436
The Kenselton Hotel
Ted Logan grinned as he finished reading the fic, wondering what Neo would think of the llama-fied version of his life. Scrolling to the top of the page, he glanced through the reviews, when one caught his eye:
“XD This was great. Poor Ted, Neo being all mean like that... *Glares at neo, then hands Anakin McFly a cookie* Its the least I could do... Well, other than this review...”
‘Cookie’? Ted wondered hungrily, when somewhere in another universe, Anakin McFly decided that Ted would like the cookie more and so did something about that.
All of a sudden, a cookie appeared out of nowhere in front of Ted. It was brown and crispy and had chocolate chips in it.
Excellent! Ted thought happily. He took the cookie and proceeded to munch happily on it, not the least bit concerned about its mysterious appearance.
The sound of the toilet being flushed reached his ears, and seconds later Neo walked out of the bathroom. He saw the teen sitting at the computer, and he nearly spontaneously combusted in horror.
‘What’re you doing there?” Neo demanded, walking over.
Ted shrugged. “You went off, so I thought…”
“Can’t I use the bathroom for five minutes without you…” Neo’s eyes narrowed. “Where’d you get that cookie?”
“I dunno, dude,” Ted admitted. “It sorta just appeared out of nowhere… Want some?” He held out the half-eaten cookie.
Neo stared. “What d’you mean, it appeared out of nowhere? Cookies don’t appear out of nowhere.”
“They do. I saw it.” The teen took another bite and smiled. He liked the cookie. It was a nice cookie.
Neo decided to let it go for the moment. There were more important things on his mind at the moment. “Move off,” he said. “And you’d better not have touched anything.”
He glanced briefly at the currently open computer window. ’The Llama Has You’? he wondered with a raised eyebrow, then nudged Ted’s hand off the mouse and closed the window. “Give me back my chair.”
Ted reluctantly got up, finishing off the cookie. He looked around, half-hoping that another cookie would appear, but nothing happened. Ted looked back at the computer screen. “What’re you doing, dude?”
“Hacking into Keanu Reeves’ bank account. Go away.”
“Whoa. How much money does he have?”
“A lot.”
“How much?”
“You don’t need to know, because you’re not getting any of it.”
“Why not?”
“You already had the cookie,” Neo stated matter-of-factly, and that was the end of the conversation.
4. The Uber-Blonde Version: Like, totally
It was, like, this totally huge thunderstorm, y'know? All sorts of thunder and ligthtning and rain and stuff like that, and then all over the place there was, like, all these Smith clones, and they were, like, watching the main Smith guy fight that Neo fellow, y'know?
Smith was like, "Welcome back, Mr. Anderson, we missed you, like what we've done to the place?" Because y'see he'd made the city all kinda dark and stuff and it was totally cool, and then Neo was like, "It ends tonight, Smith", and then there was this really really cool fight scene where they were all, like, flying around the sky and fighting each other, y'know? And Smith could, like, punch Neo really really hard until he, like, smashed right through a building, but Neo could do that to Smith too, see?
And then, and then after a while they must have gotten kinda tired, I guess, because they sorta stopped fighting and Neo, like, just lay there on the ground and Smith made this totally cool speech, although I couldn't really understand most of it. But it still sounded really really cool anyway.
Smith was like, "This is MY world, Mr. Anderson, MY world!" and me and my friends thought it was really funny that he still called Neo 'Mr. Anderson', because Neo keeps telling Smith to call him Neo, but Smith, like, never listens to him? I mean, if he wanted to insult Neo, then he could've, like, called him Tommy instead, because that's Neo's real name, y'know? Thomas Anderson, Thomas, Tommy...
So anyway Smith did his cool speech thing and Neo just sorta lay on the ground, but then he probably thought it looked really stupid to just, like, lie there in the rain, so he got up, but then Smith did that really cool thing, y'know the one where he kinda sticks his hand into someone and this icky black goo stuff comes out and, like, covers the other person, and then when that person's totally covered, he becomes another Smith? Yeah, it's kinda gross in a way, but it's also really cool.
But Neo can't become Smith, see, because he's The One and all that, y'know? So everything goes into this Matrix code thing and Neo turns orange or gold or something and kinda breaks free, and then the Smith he, like, turned into gets all twitchy, like he's got some bug crawling under his suit, and then he blows up and then all the other Smiths, like, blow up too, and it's really really cool. First all their sunglasses turn sorta green in colour, then they blow up!
Yeah, but Neo dies anyway, and Smith dies too, which is actually really stupid, because then no one really wins, though i guess Neo kinda won 'cause he, like, defeated Smith and freed the humans, y'know?
So there's all this great partying going on in Zion, which is, like, the last human city in the 'real world', y'know? And everyone's totally happy 'cause the war is over and all that, and now they can, like, free the other humans still stuck in the Matrix, y'know?
And there's that old Architect guy, the one who looks like Colonel Sanders, and he goes walking around in the Matrix with Seraph and the Oracle and that little Indian girl, Sati, and there's this totally beautiful sunset over the city that Sati made, and she's like, "Will we ever see Neo again?" and the Oracle's like, "Yeah, sure", which is totally stupid 'cause Neo's, like, dead, y'know? But maybe Sati can, like, see dead people, y'know like that little boy from The Sixth Sense? Yeah... so it all sorta ended there, and the credits came on with this totally cool music and my friend ran off because she really really needed to go to the bathroom.
5. The Whoa Version: Whoa
It was raining like whoa.
"Good evening, Mr. Anderson," Smith said. "Like what I've done to the place?"
"Whoa," Neo said appreciatively.
"Yes, Mr. Anderson. Nice, isn't it? And all over there's me. Me, me, me, me.
"Whoa," Neo said in wonder.
"Why don't you surrender now, Mr. Anderson? You know there's no way you're going to win. I've seen it. I know how it will all end."
"Really?" Neo asked in a sudden spurt of vocabulary extension...
"Yes."
"Whoa." ...which was unfortunately short-lasting.
"You don't seem to have a very wide vocabulary, Mr. Anderson. Such is the sign of the pitiful intellect you humans have."
"..." said Neo, showing off the fact that he could say things other than 'whoa' and 'really?'.
Smith ran at him and threw a punch. Thinking he saw something nice and shiny on the ground, Neo ducked just in time and Smith's fist sailed calmly past his head.
"Whoa," Neo said, realising what had just happened.
"Stop saying that, Mr. Anderson," Smith said with gritted teeth. "It's beginning to get on my nerves."
"Whoa?" Neo questioned.
"Yes," Smith said. "That word."
"Whoa," Neo mused.
A second later, he was being pumelled to a squishy, juicy pulp and died in a bloody mess. The founders of eating-celebs at LiveJournal – of which the author is one – looked on in sadness, realising that this meant more damaged meat that could have otherwise been used as a source of ingredients for their famous Keanu Kebabs.
6. The Chinese Version
Nake wanshang, tian hen hei, yu hen da, shimisi hen duo. (That night, sky very black, rain very big, Smith very many.)
Tamen youxie zhan zai malubian, youxie zai jianzuwu li. (They got some stand on road, got some in buildings.)
Niou manman di xiang tamen zou. (Neo slowly slowly towards them walked.)
Ta quanshen shi; yushui cong ta de toufa he yifu di xialai. (He whole body wet; rain water from his head and clothes drip down.)
"Andesheng xiansheng, wanshang hao," shimisi shuo. ("Anderson mister, night good," Smith said.)
"Ni xihuan wo dui zheli zuodao de gaibian ma?" ("You like I to here do changes, huh?")
"Jinwan, dou hui jieshu le." ("Tonight, everything will end," Neo said.)
Ta de hua shi shimisi shengqi. (His words made Smith angry.)
Shimisi xiang niou pao. Niou xiang shimisi yiyang pao. (Smith towards Neo run, Neo also towards Smith same run.)
Tamen jiu huxiang dajia le. (They then mutual fight already.)
Liangren zhangtou feilaifeiqu. (Two people's fists fly here fly there.)
Bujiu, tamen yiqi feishang tian qu, jixu zai kongzhong zhandou. (Not long, they together fly up sky go, continue in air fight.)
Da ah, da ah, zuihou liangren dao xialai le. (Hit ah, hit ah, right end two people fall down already.)
Shimisi zhanqilai, liangyan dengzhe yangwo zai dishang de niou, jixu jiang henduo shenao de yingyuzi. (Smith stand up, two eyes glare at lying on ground Neo, continue say very many profound English words.)
Ta wen niou weishenme ta jianchi. (He ask Neo why he want persist.)
Niou shuo shi yinwei nashi ta ziji de jueding. (Neo say is because that is his own choice.)
Tamen jiu yu dajia le. (They then again fight.)
Aiya, weishenme zhege dianying doushi yizhi dajiadajia ah? (----, why this movie all is straight fight fight ah?)
Wo zhi tongyi lai kan yinwei wode nupengyou xihuan nage yanyuan, danshi nikan, ta yijin shuijiao le. (I only agree come watch because my girlfriend like that actor, but you see, she already sleeping.)
Wo gaosu ta: "Ni yinyu ting budong, daodi weishenme yao kan yinyu dianying?" (I told her: "You English listen no understand, on earth why want watch English movie?")
Danshi ta haiyao lai. (But she still want come.)
Bendan. (Idiot.)
Langfeile wo yiwan de shijian. (Waste already my one night's time.)
Tayao shuijiao, jiu shuijiao la. Wo yao huijia le. (She want sleep, then sleep lah. I want go home already.)
7. The Pokemon Version: Neo, I Choose You!
VIRUS wants to fight!
VIRUS sends out SMITH!
NEO, I choose you!
SMITH does KARATE CHOP!
It's not very effective...
NEO does MEGA-PUNCH!
It's super effective!
SMITh does HARDEN!
SMITH's defence increased!
NEO does FLY ATTACK!
It's not very effective...
SMITH uses EYEBROWS OF DOOM!
NEO is paralysed! He may or may not be able to attack the next turn!
SMITH does TACKLE!
NEO is paralysed and cannot attack!
SMITH does KARATE CHOP!
It's super effective!
SMITH uses CORNY POKEMON FIGHT MUSIC!
NEO is poisoned!
NEO uses ANTIDOTE!
SMITH does KARATE CHOP!
SMITH's attack missed!
NEO uses THE KEANU REEVES FIGHT SONG!
xxx
THE KEANU REEVES FIGHT SONG – Music and Lyrics by Anakin McFly and Jake Skywalker
CHORUS:
This is the Keanu (X3)
Fight song
This is the Keanu (X3)
Fight song!
(Instrumental)
He crashed into a mountain
And he ruptured his spleen
Something happened to his left ankle
And his right leg too
Got arrested for drunk driving
He believes in spontaneous combustion
This is the Keanu
Fight song
CHORUS
Well, he's not that good an actor
But he's got the KC-factor
What's more, he's the only actor
With a fight song
He was brought up in ol' Canada
Just north of North America
And he's the only guy there
With a fight song
(Instrumental)
He has a lot of motorbikes
I guess that he likes motorbikes
But even KC's bikes don't have a
Fight song
A computer, KC does not have
Just wait till Neo hears of that
I bet Neo would also want
A fight song
CHORUS
(Instrumental)
And now, KC is forty-two
Like in that book, H2G2
Though Douglas Adams didn't have
A fight song
And soon he will be dead and gone
And KC will be known as late
And from his grave will resonate
His fight song
FINAL CHORUS
xxx
NEO's attack increases!
SMITH uses LONG PROFOUND SPEECH!
NEO falls asleep!
SMITH does TACKLE!
NEO wakes! NEO uses NO SPELL-CHECK!
SMITH's TACKLE turns into a CACKLE!
It's not very effective...
NEO does MEGA-PUNCH!
It's super-effective!
SMITH does TAKEOVER!
NEO starts to turn into a SMITH!
Oh no! Why is this happening?
NEO uses RESIST!
SMITH's attack is foiled!
NEO does COOL SHINY GOLDEN EXPLOSION THING!
It's super effective!
SMITH blows up!
SMITH has fainted!
VIRUS sends out ELROND!
Will ANAKIN MCFLY change Pokemon?
No.
ELROND does POINTY EARS WIGGLE!
NEO is dead and cannot attack!
ELROND uses RULEBOOK!
Oh no, it says that you are not allowed to use dead Pokemon to fight!
Okay, fine, I'll change it.
Go TED!
TED does AIR GUITAR!
ELROND is deafened!
ELROND uses HEARING AID!
Oh no, it won't fit over his Elven ears!
TED uses GUITAR WHACK!
ELROND is paralysed! He may or may not be able to attack the next turn!
VIRUS sends out CONSTANTINE!
Will ANAKIN MCFLY change Pokemon?
I said no.
CONSTANTINE uses DRAGON'S BREATH!
It's super effective!
TED does HAPPY SMILE!
CONSTANTINE is traumatised! He may or may not be able to attack the next turn!
TED does SINGING!
CONSTANTINE is deafened!
CONSTANTINE uses HEARING AID!
Oh no, it is of Elven make and won't fit over his human ears!
TED uses TACKLE!
TED's attack missed!
CONSTANTINE does SMOKING!
CONSTANTINE gets LUNG CANCER!
Well, that wasn't too smart of him, was it?
TED uses TIME TRAVEl!
CONSTANTINE is ERASED FROM EXISTENCE!
VIRUS sends out JACK!
JACK does SPEEDING BUS!
It's super effective!
TED is flattened!
Go MOUNTAIN!
MOUNTAIN does SPLEEN RUPTURE!
Oh no, JACK's spleen gets ruptured!
JACK does SCREAM OF AGONY!
It's not very effective...
MOUNTAIN does HARDEN!
MOUNTAIN's defence increased!
JACK does BUS BOMB!
It's super effective!
MOUNTAIN crumbles and faints!
ANAKIN MCFLY does OH-CRAP-I'M-OUT-OF-POKEMON!
ANAKIN MCFLY whited out!
8. The Science Version: Physics is Phun!
It was a night of low illumination and lots of precipitation in the upper biosphere.
The architectural formations were filled with identical carbon-based lifeforms. On the road, two more similar lifeforms were standing, facing each other. One of them, Smith, opened his oral cavity and uttered some intelligent-sounding sounds. The other one, Neo, did the same after a period of time had passed, only his utterations were slightly less intelligent-sounding.
The weak gravitational force between these two bodies was equal to the product of their masses and the gravitational constant, divided by the square of their distance apart. Having a slightly larger mass, the gravitational field strength – derived by taking the product of the mass and the gravitational constant, then dividing that by the distance between the mass and the point at which the gravitational field strength is to be measured – exerted by Smith on Neo was slightly larger than that exerted by Neo on Smith.
The two units then started moving towards each other with increasing acceleration. They made contact with a force equal to the product of their masses and final acceleration, in accordance with Newton's Second Law. Taking into account the Principle of Conservation of Momentum, the sum of the products of Neo's mass and his initial speed, and Smith's mass and initial speed, was equivalent to the products of Neo's mass and his final speed, and Smith's mass and final speed.
Neo's fist came into contact with Smith's face at a velocity v. The force of this impact was equal to the change in velocity from v to zero divided by the time of contact, t. In return, Neo's fist was countered by an oppositely directed force of equal magnitude from Smith's face, as illustrated by Newton's Third Law.
If, for example, Smith had then chosen to swing Neo around by his hands, the centripetal accelaration experienced by Neo would be the product of his mass and the square of his linear velocity, divided by his height. Alternatively, this can also be expressed by the product of his mass, height, and the square of his angular velocity. If his angular velocity remains constant, his kinetic energy brought about by the spinning would remain constant, but his linear velocity and momentum would vary.
If, as is likely, the spinning causes Neo to throw up, this would cause Smith to drop him and result in Neo's vomit embarking on a parabolic path into the air. The horizontal velocity of his vomit would remain constant throughout its short journey to the ground, but the vertical velocity will experience a deceleration of -9.81 metres per second, brought about by the force of Earth's gravity. At the highest point, vertical velocity would be zero, whereupon the vomit will start to fall to the ground with accelaration g of 9.81 metres per second.
Upon hitting the ground, the vomit will possibly spatter all over Smith's nice shoes but it doesn't matter because the rain will just wash it away.
Collection 2 »
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