Things You Can Find in Keanu's Beard
|1. A tiny wee world where fairies dance and sing and make happy.|
|2. All the stuff he puts in his big bag. Ever noticed that he either flaunts the bag, or the beard? Yeah, that's right.|
|3. An orange TicTac from Wednesday.|
|4. Bits of papparazzi he had with his pizza...|
|5. The Complete Works of William Shakespeare.|
|6. The Matrix|
|7. No spoons, though.|
|8. A mislaid cigarette.|
|9. A wallaby (we all know that everyone with beards secretly owns an Australian marsupial )
10. Tea bags
11. The internet
12. An army of ninjas
|13. a wheatstalk penny from 1957
14. phone numbers on scraps of paper, written by young women who wonder why he never called
15. macrame, but only on the underside
|16. His telephone/address book. I heard he lost it once.|
|17. some very lucky lady's fingers...|
|18. Buzeeworkerant's meds |
19. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
|20. 50 koalas holding his hair tight|
|21. Chopsticks and a lei.|
|22. The first step of the Pharos of Alexandria, a chip of the Spear of Longinus, the façade of one of the Atlantis buildings, and my car's spare keys!|
|23. A single pearl...|
|24. My cell phone. Give it BACK.
25. A family of starlings who thought it was a nice warm nest.
26. Alex Winter, who thought the same as the starlings.
27. George Carlin's comedic talent.
|28. Some weetabix he misplaced that very morning|
|29. All his shaving appliances. That's why he can't find them.|
|30. Oh, the mobile phone which they stole from me some weeks ago. Now I know where I can find it!|
|31. The Holy Grail
32. The Lost Arc, which wasn't so much lost as misplaced appearently...
|34. Elvis. He's not dead nor was he abducted by aliens.|
|35. Emilia Earhart...and her airplane.|
|36. Carrie Anne Moss, lucky her|
|37. The key to his heart|
|38. Filth! Blasphemy! Lots of very, very small homosexual heretics. Filthy fags, going around leaving gates open, forcing good, decent heteros to close them later.|
40. The entire cast of 300
41. The state of Michigan
42. Last year's rent
44. The secret to eternal joy and happiness
45. The fountain of immortality
46. A family of opossums
|47. Polar bears|
|48. the lost city of Atlantis
49. the ships that supposedly disappeared in the Bermuda triangle - they were merely shrunk and got stuck in his ninja whiskers
50. my favourite belly ring that went missing.
51. his barber, ergo the shaggy hair and long beard...I thought I heard the teeny tiny cries of "help me!" emanating from his beard the last time I saw him.
52. An early copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.
|53. A key to the city. (of Los Angeles)|
|54. One comfortably settled down owl.|
|55. Jimmy Hoffa|
|56. A partridge in a pear tree
57. Two turtle doves
58. Three french hens
59. Four calling birds
60. FIVE GOLDEN RINGS!!!!
61. Six geese a laying
62. Seven swans a-swimmin
63. Eight maids a-milkin
64. Nine drummers drumming
65. Ten pipers piping
66. Eleven ladies dancing
67. Twelve lords a-leaping