Argument

Keanu can't act his way out of a wet paper bag

Rebuttal

This one needs a bit more thought. While Keanu should usually be able to act his way out of a regular dry paper bag, a wet paper bag requires a little more caution.

Firstly, there is the matter of just why the bag is wet. As it is relatively hard to get a person into a wet paper bag and seal it, we can probably assume that the bag was dry when Keanu was put in it.

I now see one of two possibilities here:

  1. Someone wet the bag by pouring water over it after Keanu was inside
  2. Someone threw the bag into a body of water while Keanu was inside.

If option 1 is the right one, then it may not be such a good idea for Keanu to take action and get out of the paper bag. After all, if his captor was prepared to wet the bag, he or she might be more than prepared to wet Keanu as well the moment he gets out. Getting wet as a surprise is never a pleasant experience. Meanwhile, as wet paper bags would allow some air to pass through, suffocation would not be an immediate threat.

If option 2 is the case, then it would be a very very bad idea for Keanu to get out of the wet paper bag. At present, it would be the only thing separating him from the pond or lake or sea, and, furthermore, carnivorous water animals would find a human being much more appetising than a soggy paper bag.

The first course of action Keanu could take would be to find out if he and the bag are floating, sinking, or not moving much. If the latter is true, option 1 is a safe bet. If they are floating, he could perhaps try to tear out a small bit of the upper part of the bag and look around a little; if he sees land nearby he could probably swim for it and hope that nothing comes after him. If they are sinking, he could start to panic. Eventually his panicked motions would probably result in him getting out of the bag, although we cannot be as certain as to whether or not he will survive.

In either case presented by option 2, Keanu would almost definitely get out of the wet paper bag sooner or later.

Now, back to option 1. What we have here is a pretty awkward situation. There are few things worse than sitting or standing in a wet paper bag trying to determine whether or not there is someone out there who would drench you in water the moment you got out.

However, this is would be more a case of Keanu being uncertain about getting out of the wet paper bag, and not so much his ability to do so. In other words, he could act his way out of a wet paper bag, but only if he wanted to.