"Whenever a larger project is announced with Keanu's name attached, any fan will sit back and wait for the trashing to begin."

- ckage

( arguments & rebuttals )


All of these arguments presented here are actual ones that have been spotted all over the Internet and in various places. For someone who gets bashed as much as Keanu does, it was somewhat of a surprise to discover that all those insults tend to be different versions of the same five or six basic arguments, most of which are somewhat related to each other, and some of which don't make much sense - honestly, what would Keanu be doing in a paper bag?

Meanwhile, too many people who do throw out those arguments seem to be of the opinion that they are being extremely clever, original and generally awesome. This page aims to sadistically destroy their egos by pointing out the number of times such arguments have already been used by people who likewise thought them to be extremely clever, original and generally awesome.

Additional variations on each theme are added here to cater to those who desire specificity.

All rebuttals and original drawings in this section of the site is the property of the Keanu SWAT Team. Please do not reproduce them elsewhere without asking our permission, although you are more than welcome to link people to these pages.


  1. Keanu can't act his way out of a paper bag (NOW WITH PICTURES)

  2. Keanu can't act his way out of a wet paper bag

  3. Keanu can't act his way out of a perforated paper bag

  4. Keanu is really just a tree (WITH PICTURES)

  5. Keanu is really just an Ent

  6. Keanu is really just a plank of wood

  7. Keanu is secretly a robot

  8. Keanu keeps the same expression throughout all his films

  9. Keanu always underacts

  10. Keanu only got famous because he's pretty

  11. Keanu only got famous because he's lucky

  12. Keanu only got famous because he's really the reincarnation of the Egyptian god Osiris and it's his destiny to become rich and powerful and save the world

  13. My plastic ruler has more charisma than Keanu

  14. Keanu is the worst American actor ever

  15. Keanu is the worst Canadian actor ever

  16. Keanu is the worst actor ever

  17. Keanu ruined all the movies he was in

  18. Keanu always plays Ted

  19. Keanu always plays Neo

  20. Keanu is dum.