The newspaper materialises every morning without fail. No one knows how it gets there. No one really bothers to find out. But there it always is: The Reeves Report, snuggled comfortably between the receptionist's coffee and the telephone. On some days it is thick and filled with the latest news on the life of Keanu Reeves; on other days it contains nothing but the date and suspicious handdrawn pictures of pineapples.

Alex Wyler denied any involvement. "Just because something materialises out of nowhere doesn't mean it's my fault," he was reported as saying, when K-SWAT journalists tracked him down at his new pineapple farm.