"Whenever you bash Keanu's acting, Neo kills a puppy."
wall of shame
"I hate keanu reaves, anyone agree?"
- tbots on some guy named mr. reaves
"There are trees growing in my backyard that can act better than Keanu Reeves."
- cableaddict on his amazing trees
"Keanu is a horrible actor, the only movies he "shines" in is where he says everything in a monotone voice and has few lines (Matrix) or where he acts like an airhead and says things like "duuude" and "whoaaa.""
- Party-Boy playing around with excessive vowels
"Gilbert Gottfried, Danny DeVito or a slice of half-baked cornbread could do a better job of acting."
- capncrusty on the acting abilities of cornwheat
"Considering Reeves' emotional range, I think he's the ideal actor to play the part of the robot."
- Paul_Jay on artificial intelligence
"Keanu, I watched My Own Private Idaho yesterday, and you were the worst thing about it, besides that fat guy who needed a haircut. ... Also Keanu, the only time you don't ruin a film is when you're animated, and that was in A Scanner Darkly. The Matrix was okay, but I think that was because you didn't speak much. And my god, what were you thinking in Much Ado About Nothing? A conscious friend of mine said, "Only Keanu Reeves can ruin Shakespeare.""
- Mar-Cinema, who has unconscious friends too!
"Uh, ghaa, um, I, er, what!?"
- fleance-1's articulate reply upon learning of Keanu's Shakespeare obsession
"I learned tonight of this remake. This is my favorite film and I honestly cannot think of a worse actor that could play Klaatu / Mr. Carpenter. What in the hell is the studio thinking? This character requires intelligence — something that Mr. Reeves cannot pull off."
- joehoward123 displaying lack of imagination
"I can't stand Keanu Reeves, its like he is constantly saying "WHOA" from bill & ted (like hes high or something, his acting sucks, how can you stand him?"
- vanhalenone50 who apparently hasn't seen a Keanu film since 1989
"He's good for type-casting, and times when he's supposed to be like a 2x4 with a frowny face drawn on it in sharpie."
- hibernatinggecko on woodart
"But in discussing the ways that Keanu is a horrible actor, it is impossible to exaggerate that. Almost no amount of hyperbole can express the sheer depth of his suck."
- Quesazilla displaying his powers of exaggeration
"Believe it or not, the term "cardboard" or "wooden" to describe an actor or performance did not originate with people describing the wonderful performances of Keanu Reeves. He kind of owns it now, though."
- Quesazilla being disappointed with linguistic history
"I'll give you a dollar if you found your way to this movie through anything other than its connection to Keanu (Hawaiian for "can't act his way out of a paper bag") Reeves, and another one if you realize that the authors of The Matrix didn't invent the concept of life being a dream."
- TheCheshireCody displaying his philanthrophic side
"Hey people, don't be so harsh...when it comes to acting Keanu is a firm believer in the Sleepwalking method."
- raybeckm on new acting techniques
"I cannot see KR playing my intellectual superior. I would keep waiting for him to say "Dude!""
- Dances_with_Weasels on unrequited expectations
"Keanu Reeves as Klatuu? Pardon me, I'm going to step in front of a working interociter. Reeves is, at best, a vapid actor with no interior life, the exact opposite of the cool, calculating and reasoning Klatuu. Horrible casting choice, but not surprising in the contemporary market."
- sher-24, who has yet to step in front of a working interociter
"Keanu Reeves has the charisma of a mud wall on his best day."
- mrsolo1 educating us on previously unknown qualities of mud walls
"Yes he sux and I regret ever watching his pathetic lame movies, and having this stupid crush on him, I was so blind then, I hate the way he laughs, he sounds so stupid!!!!! I bet he even acts stupid and ditzy!!!!! keanu maybe isn't goofy, but like I said, I bet he's more of a ditz!!! I hate the way he acts. I just hate him, I think he's a royal asshole!!!!!!
I don't see why he's so fucking great, I may have respect other people's different opinions about him, I don't care, I just hate him because I think he's nothing but a motherfucking big fat dirty scum bag scruffy looking shitwit rat who doesn't exactly know how to get his act together with the fact that he acts like he's gay, he smokes and drinks too much!!!!! He looks so fugly!!! He has the worst fashion trend ever!!! And when I saw him with Justin Timberlake in his pop tart concert, I was like,"what the FUCK is up with that?!! Keanu's not hip!! He's a flake when it comes to the tweeny bopperish pop tart industry." I thought he was like a rapist when he kind of got with Lindsay Lohan. I don't even know what the hell these two were doing with each other, but I'll bet it was so totally inappropriate. He's not hot, not sexy, not even cute for fuck's sake!!!!! He has these crooked bottom teeth which is so disgusting, and as for his suck as hell of a so-called cool punk band, "Dogstar" I swear that is the worst band ever!!!!! I've heard way better and seen way more punk than that, his band is not even punk rock of that matter, it's just a sissified rock. I'd rather die than to go his pathetic rock concert!!!! Incase Keanu and his stupid band did intend to go heavy metal or extreme heavy metal punk rock of that matter, I'd have to say they do a real shitty job doing so and I think that the reason why the women he used dated broke up with him was because he must have said or done something to turn them off.I bet he likes to upset women. I doubt the man has any respect for womanhood. And I thought he did a shitty job doing Sweet November. Seems like all the characters he plays are assholes and something tells me that that's what he's best at doing. Which makes me wanna hate him even more!!!!!! It's a shame that he doesn't know how to play a rather sweet and sensitive character without that character acting like an asshole!!!! Like the person who created this site says,"Reeves just isn't good at acting human"My sister and I grew up with assholes in our lives starting with our typically bitchy mother and shitheads like him at school and else where and that is why my sister and I turned out the way that we were now which is fed up, harsh, extremely critical, and hostile.I deliberately hate assholish, nasty bitches much like himself, Keanu may SEEM sweet, shy, and so reasonable, but that's just his way of being polite, not all people are what they seem, he can seem "sweet" to some people, and assholish to most.Never expect me to care about what you think of me and my opinions about this yoddeling yahoo, just respect that this is how I feel and no I would never expect you to follow, just hear me out and I would never expect you to agree with me cuz you don't have to, I just had to blurt it out.I just want you guys to know that just because you love him and all doesn't give you the right to expect people to agree with you on that, everyone has opinions on their own since they are their own person, but I need you guys to accept the fact that my feelings about this actor is different from yours so please don't bash people for expressing their feelings about the actor, remember that it is their right to feel however they want and if they don't like him, they don't necessarily have to unless you want others to tell you what to feel and believe. I'm just complaining here. If you get offended just don't read my comments and go back to minding your own business."
- Robin, who appears well-versed with the triple-whammy power of sheer volume, no paragraphing and excessive exclamation marks, as well as condemning people based on what she 'bets' they are like. She would do well to visit this site and see every one of her points in there successively rebutted. She would also do well to stop jumping to conclusions. I bet she does that all the time. I bet she's a horrid person who kills small animals. Man, killing small animals is bad. Robin must be a really evil person, then.
"At best this movie can only hope to be half as good as the original. It required people to do something that todays movie goers hate to (or just can't) do that is to think. Apparently since keanu is playing klaatu you can leave your brain at home for this version."
- greenac, whose lack of capitalisation of proper nouns suggest that his brain is still at home
"Why on earth should the talented Cruise team up with one of the worst american actors i've ever seen - mr Reeves?"
- millenniumgroup, who thinks that everyone is American
"Keanu Reeves is an Ugly Mass of Shlogged Bones!
Yes! i used to like him once, but this lasted before I saw the lustful guys of Brad Pitt, Mel Gibson and Kevin Costner, I also think Tom Cruise is OK. From then I began to hate this Keanu(when I came to know that he was born in Beirut - Lebanon). I now think that he is not even cute, but i think he's kinda ugly guy that does not even come close to Tom Cruise. I used to write suff as "I love Keanu" but that lasted till I saw, pointbreak, that meant a proof of his ugly looks. I realized also that he has an ugly boyish, kind of body! Come on Girls! Wake up! Wakos! Keanu has no body, he's just bones. Kevin Costner, Mel Gibson and Brad pitt are the handsomest for me! i also love T.Cruise though he is sort of a short sized figure. Keanu is an Asshole! I hate Arab People, with all my heart! especially when born in places such as Lebanon- (that means the word SPERM in our Maltese Language (libanon)- I also think he is sorta gay guy. Puk on him puuuuuuuuukkkkkjjjjjjjjjj. the Place BEIRUT makes me think of Keanu is a child Rapist. Because that what Arab People are! So for those who love Keanu Reeves - GET OVER IT... or you must be fuqin headed...
THERE ARE LOTS OF LOTHSOME PEOPLE LIKE HIM OUT THERE!!HHHHHIHIHIHHH! RUN HIDE POLICE!!!! KEANU GO AWAY!"
- Graziella Borg with what is probably the best entry ever on this Wall of Shame. Extra points for racistly bashing Keanu due to his non-existent Arabness and homophobically bashing Keanu for his non-existent (according to him) gayness.
"Alex winter completely carried him in the Bill and Ted movies."
- excellentKurt making a completely non-excellent comment
"How the hell did he get famous?! He sucks at everything!
Are you ppl blind?! He is not and was not ever hot! EWW! He's so fugly! He has the creepiest and beadiest eyes ever! Oh gross, I cannot believe he got voted one of Ppl mag's 50 most beautiful ppl! What was wrong with them?! True beautiful men are men like Johnny Depp, I mean he's almost 44 and look at him he's so gorgeous! And then look at Denzel Washington, he's 53 and he's hot! And then there's Jared Leot, he's almost 36 and he's smokin'! Those are examples of beautiful men, Keanu, on the othr hand, uh no! And he sucks at acting and music too!
I wonder why the hell are you having a picture of the month for Keanu Reeves? EWW! He is so not attractive! You should stop waisting your time on looking at pics of him and his beady eyes, and you go gah gah over pics of Johnny Depp and/or Jared Leto, now there's something to go gah gah over. Oh yeah! Just trying to save you from burning your eyes out of your sockets from looking at Keanu, no need to thank me. =D I'm serious your eyes are gonna burn out of your sockets from looking at him, so when they do don't come crying to me.
Keanu does not rock, I mean just ask his band, do you need me to explain to you why they didn't make it very far, I think not. Keanu sucks! His band sucks! His acting sucks! and his looks suck! So he just sucks all around! Now I'll tell you a brilliant actor and that's Johnny Depp, he's got true talent. Not Keanu Reeves, he has no talent! So HA!
Now I'll tell you who a great actor is and that's Johnny Depp, he's got true talent, he's amazing, and he's gorgeous! Keanu sucks, and he's ugly!"
- The compiled quotes of gerdola2002, for whom we would like to apologise to all Johnny Depp fans.
"Acting is acting. The only time it has been woefully painful to watch for me was enduring Keanu Reeves's foray into idiocy in "Dracula". Reeves should have had the blood sucked out of his body long before he ever opened his mouth - not only in that film but all others before and ever after."
- ClaireDePlume displaying a disturbing passion for blood drainage
"I don't know how many times it needs to be said - Keanu Reeves CANNOT play anything besides a talentless hack love interest in a gay romantic comedy, or a moronic buddy in a comedy aimed at fat townie maintenance men."
- Doc Holliday proving once again that people like and hate different performances of Keanu's
"Keanu Reeves is a retarded eskimo from 19th century Canada."
- Leon-Scott-Kennedy, who gets forgiven due to getting Keanu's nationality partially right.
"not trying to be original just saying i have see better acting from a walnut i am sorry if that upsets you but its true acting is not just saying words is ots deeper and he just cant do that. im not saying i don't like some of his movies bill and ted was brill but its time to grow up, he is an actor for the mtv gen a hick up to the art. and if you don't like what i am saying then...well up your's."
- bobsthemaner, whose favourite past-times include watching walnuts act
"Worst. Scuba-diver. Ever."
- nancloutier of the Keanu SWAT Team, proving that we do not believe Keanu completely incapable of incompetence.
"He's playing a robot if im not mistaken so im for Keanu is a monotonous as it gets lol"
- Kyle_Hannah being mistaken
"He's got the personality and acting abilities like that of dried cement."
- resnik, further extending our list of seemingly-inanimate objects recently discovered to have acting capabilities
"KR has all the charisma and acting skills of a kumquat."
- owl92, following up with yet another...
"I just happen to think that Keanue isn't suited for Shakespeare and stuck out like a sore Jar Jar."
- bigmack88, who is forgiven for bringing into the world the mental image of a sore Jar Jar
"My wife was watching Johnny Mnemonic on TV, and I just happened to pass through the room during Keanu's notorious monologue. Somewhat bewildered by what I witnessed, I came online to see what people had to say.
After reading through these posts, I've come to the conclusion that Keanu is to acting what Dane Cook is to comedy. Both appeal to the common denominator due to their "likability," their earnestness, and occasional rises above mediocrity.
Keanu does convey a sort of "I'm trying really hard to act well" vibe, and he seems like a nice guy. But bad acting is still bad acting. However, just like his comedic counterpart, his fans cannot be convinced otherwise. His other qualities somehow blind people from his artistic limitations.
On the other hand, Keanu does have his moments. He can be anywhere from tolerable to decent in one-dimensional supporting roles or in lead roles where acting is not a primary focus. He also provides online entertainment in forums like this when he chooses to step outside of his range.
So, in the end, I have no problem with the guy. He has his niche in Hollywood. I just wish people wouldn't lessen the public perception of acting by touting his work as a good example of the craft."
- Trib74, dutifully providing online entertainment on the Wall
"As Gort, MAYBE. As a paperweight on somebody's desk, why not? As Klaatu, ARE YOU &$%*&@ING KIDDING??!!!"
- BoxOfficePoison, who has forever altered the way I look at paperweights.
"Keannu is a talentless hack nobody. A total wet wednesday. an autistic dumb-dumb with stupid low's and a giant forhead which makes him like apish, like a caveman, a primitive being, the primordial form of man... he is like a hedgehog, always warding off others with spikes to protect himself. total intimacy issues here folks. i mean how old is he? and what, no wife, or even gf? what is he one of them gays? i mean i dont got no problem with gays. whole worlds turned cosmopolitan. it's all thanks to women, who accept gay guys for who they are. hmm. it's a shame really. first a darkie in president - and what next? *beep* *shudders*. and back to keannu... what kinda career is this? animatrix? bill and ted? that one about premonitions starring kate blanchett. horrible nobody with no change. and that supid beard of his. and long hair. and stoner "tripped out" attitude. ppl think he's good looking? he's asian. look at the eyes! eww. (vomit, anyone?) and his scrawny body. gross. too gross. and i bet he's uh.. small.. if ya know what i mean... lol.. i can just tell aye. but im a guy and im not gay. and that stupid movie about "growing up" which had steve martin, that white haired geek nobody. keannu always bounces his head to invisible music and walks around like he's stoned and finally "getting it". keannu needs to grow up and realise his fanbase is dwindling and unless he cashes himself an oscar soon, he's toast. goodbye. he's easily replaced by jeff goldlum IMO. "
- 21Days with what appears to be a complete Internet masterpiece of a post - racism, sexism, speciesism, ageism, homophobia, neurodiversity-phobia, wild inaccuracies and spelling mistakes, ALL IN ONE PARAGRAPH! This, my friends, is a true fish. *respect*
"Keanu Reeves has always been a terrible actor and always will be."
- discipline being depressingly pessimistic. Show some hope for the future, dude.
"Odds of Keanu Reeves showing emotional range? The man has the emotional range of granite."
- otter68, giving our little petrean friends what is probably the highest compliment they will ever receive.
"Fag fag fag fag fag fag."
- An anonymous poster praises a member of the Keanu SWAT team.
"NO CANOES,IS GOOD CANOES,LIKE REEVES CANOE!"
- SALEMS-LOT, who thinks that no canoes is good canoes, like Reeves canoe.
"Keanu is a talentless, limp little douche of a man with all the charisma of a sack of onions."
- Quesazilla, who at least admits that Keanu's charisma outshines that of a single onion
"KEANU COULDN'T ACT HIS WAY OUT OF A PHONE BOOTH"
- msilva7-1, who is forgiven because it's relatively original and made me laugh.
"He's not good looking, he's not believable, he's not a great actor, he is not notorious for playing great characters."
- novastar_6 reminding us at WINM that it's Opposite Day today!
"Keanu Reeves was tragically born with no talent whatsoever. It's a fact. The man simply cannot act, and he's in the wrong line of work, and the sooner he becomes unemployable, the better. He pulls off roles that don't demand acting. The Matrix had a good enough plot and awesome special effects, and his character was a withdrawn, confused geek. Easy, he managed to scrape by. Bill and Ted, go completely over the top, awesome. But the fact of the matter is the guy is undefendable. No, that's not just my opinion, it's common sense. Easily the worst actor in Hollywood."
- Dave, who just got pwned because defending Keanu is exactly what we're doing, hence proving that Mr. Reeves is not, in fact, undefendable. Dave also needs to brush up on his dictionary definitions, especially pertaining to the words 'opinion' and 'common sense'.
"Surely you develop a bit of a thick skin after a while, what with the entire world laughing at your idol?"
- TabooRadley reinforcing our long-held suspicion that Keanu fans are not of this world, but rather from an advanced alien civilisation that can recognise good acting when they see it.
"Am I the only one who notices that Keanu couldn't act to save his life"¦..he has a mono-tone nasaly voice"¦.hooonnnnnk honnnnk like a goose"
- sTAR, who cannot impersonate a goose to save his or her life.
"I thought Whittaker was almost as bad as Kanou Reeves! Forrest was sooo OTT and Neo was sooo wooden it was hilarious. Forrest all over acting and spitting and over-emoting and BillorTed? totally unable to pull off any facial expressions other than dumb struck! plus the terribly macho Tripl3 cheesy lines and ludicrous plot had me laughing out loud at the farce up on screen. The only person who came out of this with any credability was the once again excellent Chris Evans."
- fishadder (an actual fish!) reviewing Street Kings and getting the cast wrong. Neo would like to know why he was never paid for this, and is not happy about being called wooden. Neo also knows kung fu. fishadder had better watch out.
""Klaatu barada nikto" Means...Keanu Reeves Sucks...in Martian."
- HarryBlackPotter, the fishes' very own Martian correspondent.
"And whether or not Keanu is as good of an actor as the original... he has zero MYSTERY, which is a main component."
- JimBobCooter; the jury is still out on whether he's just an alternate universe fish, or if it's just Opposite Day! again.
"Keanu should be shot. As if Constantine wasn't enough of an insult. Fuck him, I say."
- Knuckleduster displaying a rather disturbing passion for kinky gay sex
"I'm not even sure he could master the subtlety and depth of emotion needed to portray Gort."
- Beaubelle being a prick.
"With Keanu, of course it'll suck!!"
- lt226400 on Keanu's amazing magical ability to repair vacuum cleaners. Have a vacuum cleaner that refuses to suck? Get a Keanu today!
"an actor that has just about as much depth as an eggcorn"
- jonletter, whom I thank for teaching me a new word today.
"jeez, that dude can't act for shit!!!!"
- alienindisguise being correct; Keanu doesn't act for shit, he acts for money.
"Keanu would make a good robot, he acts like one in all his other movies."
- killeralienn, who needs to watch films other than Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey. Although Keanu wasn't a good robot in there. He was an evil one.
"Anyone else thinks watching Keanu act is like watching a block of wood dance?"
- adam_deveney, whose uncreative comparison fails to appreciate the gravity of the situation - they've gone mobile.
"If keanu reeves is in this movie someone will get hurt. that is a promise mother fucker."
- chris, whom police should start keeping a very close watch over.
"your the keanu fan yet im the retard?"
- cairopimp07, who is allergic to punctuation. Might be a retard thing.
"What will ruin this movie though is having Keanu Reeves as Klaatu. He has the emotional range and acting ability to play Gort, or a streetlight. That would suit this film much better."
- JollyMon_72 praising Keanu's acting ability, for not every human can convincingly portray a robot or a streetlight. That takes talent, my friends. Especially the bit where you need to give off light... or convince people that you're giving off light.
"he sucks in general not only as an actor but as a person. his personality is as interesting as a tree branch"
- TheVannieShow, receiver of blowjobs and grower of plants with attitude.
"Keanu is the most suksesful worst acter out there (like my spelling?). Most of his movies are just entertaining but carry no wight on story. The only pearl he has is The Devils Advocat. The rest is Crap. His acting is flat and unconvinsing, seems he does not "live" in his roles. The only movies He "acts" in is the classic Bill & Ted movies....lol, but I guess that was the alchol and drugs helping him out..."
- moonfog, whose alchol and drugs caused that little slip in capitalisation which seems to imply that he thinks Keanu is God.
"The man has all the acting ability of an ironing board."
- tryptych, who only got on the Wall because no one else has said 'ironing board' yet.
Erik-Bloodaxe: "Lol! While watching the trailer I couldn't decide whether Keanu Reeves was acting as a piece of Teak , Cedar or Plywood.Then again maybe somebody just threw a chair into the studio...."
princeofnewyork: "Oh, Erik-Bloodaxe, Keanu acting is wooden so its the chair."
- While Erik-Bloodaxe contemplates Keanu's range, princeofnewyork displays his firm belief that chairs rank higher in woodiness than actual wood.
"If I were to pick an actor to be jealous of it would be one who actually has talent and good looks."
- so claims tom_mcclarey, jeallyfish in the Nile
"Almost every roll he plays just like he played in bill and ted! He is like a walking, talking man in a comma."
- mamba_27, on Keanu's bread hobbies and his favourite form of transportation
"he has the emotional expression of a teaspoon."
- Callista, who forgets that there is no spoon. ...Wait, what.
"I'll bet you voted for George w. bush ,,,,,,,twice....his fans wont admit he sucks either. Just keep sitting there in the back of your basement licking your 8by10 glossy picture of keanu reeves. even the two movies that I mentioned were good....he didn't really matter...it could have been any actor that could impersonate a log. face it his acting sucks . unless someone like Al Pacino drives the film .....it sucks !!!"
- sblackmagicwoman being wrong. I don't have a basement nor a single hardcopy photo of The Anu. If I did, the last thing I'd do would be to desecrate his image with my unworthy saliva.
"And Keanu's body language exclaims: "I rocked their asses and now I will lick my golden testicle that I hold now..." "
- RyanC describing the expressiveness of The Anu's body language. Meanwhile, curious minds would like to know how he knows about that golden testicle.
"Find yourself some girl aged 12 through about 14 and ask her about Keanu. There is your answer, Dude."
- Will on Keanu's deep secret. Funny, the last time I asked some girl aged 12 through 14 about Keanu, she said, "Who?" Profound answer. Kind of like 'Forty-two'. What does it mean? What is the question? Why is the tea gone?
"He has done some Shakespeare and some stage work in an attempt to hone his chops for a future when he will not be very sexy at all."
- Jason Pollock, who currently finds Keanu very sexy.
"In the Replacements, someone forgot to tell him it was a comedy. He possesed no sarcasm, irony, wit or even vulnerablity-just angst and the blank stare. Must be nice to get that far just on looks alone."
- generalzod showing how Keanu was perfect at his job, as can be seen in this article, wherein Keanu mentions how he was meant to act as the straight guy in The Replacements, so no comedy for him; he was the foil for the comic characters.
"Is Keanu even a mediocre actor? No."
- Blofeld starting to see the light
"The fact that the Matrix was good with Reeves in it, is a minor miracle, much like the sky raining frogs."
- Captain Sensible being a pri- hang on, a frog just fell past my window.
"Keanu sucked in it BIG TIME! I mean big time. He was so awful his part should've been filmed on nitrate so it would disintergrate. But, the chemestry among all the other actors and the performances was wonderful."
- Anglais on Much Ado About Nothing, trying to be scientific.
"Keanu Reeves is one of the all-time WORST actors that Hollyweird has ever seen. I agree with your assessment that when he plays the idiot, he is okay. That is because he is NOT ACTING. One thing though: POINT BREAK SUCKED BIG FUCKING PUS-OOZING DONKEY COCK! One of the WORST movies ever made. How could you like that turd??!!!!"
- AdolfOlivrPantys in my very soul tormenting me. On one hand Keanu is totally not an idiot. On the other hand, Point Break does suck. But leave the donkey out of this.
"People love to give Keanu Reeves a hard time, but I'll bet he is staring blankly at his money and saying "Whoa!" while he hopelessly tries to remember the way to the bank."
- EdgeRunner, who just lost his bet
"Keanu fans on the internet are pretty much the worst people in the world, far worse than Hitler, who was the leader of Germany during the WWII era."
- Quesazilla, breaking Godwin's Law. \o/
"I just hate him. He goes in my instant death upon sighting book along with luminaries like Sarah Palin, Carrottop, and Bret Easton Ellis.
- Gyrfalcon; seriously, these Death Sentence fish are just scary. Do the police know about them?
"I had crappy professors in 3 seperate english courses make me write a paper about the matrix. If I ever see Keanu in real life I'm kicking him in the nuts. Then, as he's doubled over in pain, I'll kick him in the head to knock him over. Then it's ball stomping. If you think this is a bit much, you try sitting through that movie and writing 3 papers (longest was 10 pages) about it. Oh, I'll be bitter till the end of time."
- nono.melon, another DS fish. Hey, I wrote a 13-page term paper about The Matrix, intentionally, and enjoyed every word of it.
"LOL Keanu reeves is one of the best actors ever? lol you probably dont know anything about movies"
- dodo-no, a lolfish who probably doesn't know anything about punctuation.
"Kee-ardboard Reeves - If you replaced him with a 6 foot 1 and a quarter cardboard cutout of himself and shook it when he spoke, no one would know the difference. Would save the studios a LOOOT of money. I'm sorry.. I just HAD to bring this up... It is a mystery why he is still working.. is he THAT good looking girls?"
- freestylin_goat_is being so unoriginal that he needed to have a place on this Wall to serve as an example of a typical fish
"they make the movie around his acting... he doesn't actually move his mouth because he is so f*cking stupid that he is incapable of processing the fact that he is on camera trying to portray a role. if it wasn't for computer animation he would have over dosed on heroin drowning in a pool of his own worthless vomit years ago"
- This Is My Name being incoherent and downright wrong about Keanu's intelligence, mouth movements and the ability of a human being to drown in vomit while overdosing on heroin.
"If Keanu is involved in Watchmen I swear to God I will set fire to the Interwebs with my mind."
- Sam G. bragging about his special powers
"Keanu Reeves has the charisma and likability of a greasy cauliflower."
- chamelion7, who evidently isn't cooking his cauliflower right. Cauliflower cooked correctly should be firm but juicy and go well with salt and olive oil, not greasy and full of charisma and likeability.
"i hate keanu reeeves, he sucks. hes a terrible actor and hes ugly anyways. and hes known to be a mean guy so screw him."
- Sarah, confirming that it is, indeed, Opposite Day! again.
"I think Keanu is the biggest joke that Hollywood has ever had a hand in putting on the screen!! With such wonderful movies like Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure and its outstanding followup, he has shown what type of actor he is. If it weren't for the special computer effects and Lawrence Fishburn even The Matrix would have been a huge flop if left only to the talents of Keanu."
- lilly, for whom the Tedfish and Neofish have just gone to war. Sushi for everyone!
"Its pretty hilarious that everyone knows he's a terrible actor and most people hate him AND he has a stupid name, and yet he's still a major movie star. absurd."
- King Of Versailles, speaking for the entirety of his kingdom. It is rather small.
"keanu reeves has less facial expressions than a toaster."
- moviemasterhart, who appears overly familiar with the expressive range of Cylons. Keep an eye on that one.
"Why anyone casts the walking slab of drywall for any role that requires the projection of any emotions besides: ... and ? is one of the great mysteries of life."
- Hunger Tallest Palin, who has yet to learn that the answer is '42'.
"Keanu needs to be in Westerns, where his talents can really be taken advantage of. He would be an excellent fence post."
- br1947 contemplating Keanu's brilliant ability for pulling off roles that most human actors cannot.