Keanu can't act his way out of a perforated paper bag


While at first glance this may appear similar to the other two paper bag arguments, the truth is that it has one vital difference – the paper bag is perforated, which means that anyone in it would have air to breathe and not suffocate; while a wet paper bag also allows this to some degree, it however implies the existence of other more sinister dangers (see: Keanu can't act his way out of a wet paper bag).

Also, unlike a wet paper bag, no second party is needed in this case. Keanu would be perfectly capable of getting himself into a perforated paper bag all on his own, and it is not wholly impossible that he might actually do so on a regular basis, knowing of his private nature and love for solitude. Being able to sit in the still calmness of a perforated paper bag is a rare luxury these days.

However, if it turns out that it was someone who put Keanu into the bag, we have to pay particular attention to two factors:

  1. He or she was kind enough to give Keanu air holes to breathe, implying lack of malicious intent
  2. Said perforation also makes the bag easier to tear, implying that they were willing to have Keanu escape from it: i.e. he only had to stay in there if he wanted to.

In other words, what some might see as Keanu's inability to act his way out of the perforated paper bag might simply be his unwillingness to do so. It would be easy for him to take action and tear his way out along the perforated lines, and if he doesn't do so, it would strongly suggest that he fully intends to stay inside.

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